The Tortured Poets Department
Trigger Warning
Being made aware of all my talents I would hardly just choose to not use them. I will.
We have no choice - we have to have conversations about transitioning energy, using less land for livestock (there's unfortunately a lot of propaganda around that one), transforming transport, not consuming so much whether we like it or not and rewilding the Earth. If you are not having these conversations, at least sometimes, and you have a public voice, even if it's a comedy podcast, you are not being an adult. We need to responsibly and orderly make an exit out of this madness and come together and face this wartime-like emergency with cheerful fortitude and compassionate ambition. We can make our ancestors and our descendants proud, just by talking about the emergency we find ourselves in more.
I do apologise to some people and really appreciate some of the sympathy.
One piece of good news is that we are part of the natural world. Can we not at least envision being surrounded, even in cities, by more green and a truly impressive technological future. Much more impressive than all this chip-in-the-head stuff, following bioengineering and biomimicry can't we work with Nature? Are we impotent? Why don't we try? What good is going to the moon right now? And wasn't Elon Musk supposed to land a craft on the Moon with government spending by 2024? Not very efficient (NASA landed a craft on Mars for less government money, plus the delta clipper vertically landed 30 years ago). If someone you know isn't aware the Amazon Rainforest is accelerating towards collapse, tell them. You wouldn't not mention the War if you were living at the time of the Blitz and worried that Hitler might be about to invade. This is now a bigger emergency.
Sometimes in life you have to face ugly truths, before you can build things back up and follow greater substantial visions. I am not afraid of this challenge. I love to be challenged and I will keep seeking solutions that could make the future worth living for all of us. I am not afraid.
It is complacent to think that if the Democrats won this catastrophe would be taken care of. Much more investment is required according to science unfortunately. Fundamentally, enough people need to talk about the potentially biggest crisis ever that we may find ourselves in from time to time.
Carbon emissions have not gone down, renewable energy has only added to extra energy consumption.
[Thich Nhat Hanh’s statement on Climate Change for the United Nations.]
I will continue to maintain I contributed to putting artists I provided work for in a complex position.
There are certain issues that I don't have direct experience of in my life that I am very willing to listen to other people on. I want to try and understand the best way of helping people. It is also constructive to be aware we are more and more going to be living in a climate emergency (whether we would prefer it or not). We should educate ourselves about the positive solutions and be able to repeat them offhand. I hope some people appreciate that if I wasn't devoted to these issues, I would be rich and successful already. But I know that I will be in the future. There just happen to be mischaracterisations of me. There are some people I am of course very concerned about offending.
I would genuinely regret causing some harm to some artists, but at the same time I have to have achieve boundaries around people mischaracterising me as someone else. I express myself well and constructively the easier my life becomes and the more I receive support. I felt a strong impulse to achieve things collectively from an early age. I almost forget you could achieve things individually. Both are important. Also I have seen the damage that commodification can do to people. I genuinely look forward to increasingly improved conditions in my life allowing me to speak very well, confuse people with my brilliance and cause no harm to the artists I provided work for. I'm hoping the art I produce in general can be a lesson in redemption.
I am very concerned with the difficulties I have caused some, while at the same time requiring boundaries about some things.
I have to keep stressing I was being very authentic and not really that egotistic. That's a misunderstanding of me. I have extremely profound reasons for narcissism being the opposite of who I am. And that particular lie about me is not ok. It really is not.
I was very driven to learn about the environmental issue ever since a moment of trauma in childhood. As I made clear, no-one ever talked to me about some profound trauma and learning about the circularity of nature was everything to me. Waste management, renewable energy and regenerative food are related to this. They respect the cycles of the natural world. Which we have forgotten we are part of. I really was off on a different trajectory to some, watching slow world cinema and removed from some popular culture. I fundamentally had a deep rooted concern with stopping people dying basically.
Believe me, I know my life is hard to understand. And it would be unfair to expect others to understand it. However, I do think I could explain a lot in a private conversation. Some create drama. But that is not the category I fall into. Certainly not in recent years. I really believe I deserve private conversations, where I can explain myself much more. I did not do this to myself. I know that. I really was severally emotionally abused by someone many years ago through no fault of her own. I am not who some think I am, but I have so much sympathy with the terrible pr. Certain issues can be used as displacement and this happened more than once in particularly strong ways in my life. My response to some people was empowerment. I believe its very unfair to others for me to explain too much about them. Also, I believe it is true in some cases people are lying about my personality so they don't have to face how cruel and inappropriate they are being. I had to strongly assert things about myself for the most profound of reasons. I was not and certainly am not now egotistic. This is not who I am. I am all about boundaries. Sometimes when I am fiery, it is a protective energy for others.
If I have to be punished for a time, at least it was for profound reasons. I am not making any excuses. I hope when I can privately explain myself to some people they learn what I mean. I've always been so focused on hard work. Even though I used to be very broken. That is how I accomplished what I accomplished. That's the only way that happens. And needless to say, I deserve millions for it. I am owed millions. I really did keep talking about 'hard work' and money for 'hard work' for the right reasons. As soon as I have more funds, some will be surprised. Recently there was a period where I began losing my mind a bit for very specific difficult reasons. But I shaped myself up before I was aware of any recent songs about me. Which of course, I was not at all expecting. I am very mature and focused on hard work (and hilarious). When I work hard and am given stability, magic happens. Most people are used to having some support and others genuinely can create bad things for themselves. So they don't seem to know what I'm talking about. That is not me. That is why I accomplished so much. Once again, I can explain myself privately. I am just as driven as ever.
My life was very defined by shame.
Growing, and becoming who I always could become, while also pointing towards major food and water issues sometimes, is good for the world. Proving that transformation is possible. This is something related to Nature. Messiness, complexity, ugliness is involved in beauty. When my life is slightly improved I will express myself in an offensively elegant manner.
I really did mention two people because they were the two people I talked to my childhood trauma about. That should not be an invitation to try and define me. That is kind of mad behaviour. It is very underestimated what I have been through in life.
I very much regret that I fell into coping mechanisms that were so regrettable. I am so glad I finally realise my life was so much more difficult than the majority and with the slightest support, really with much less than most, I achieve a balance and I am focused on very worthwhile work. I really am very mature. And maybe there is something beautiful about a great transformation.
Also, we need to try and understand food systems and their instability [*].
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Without major global change and recognising that vast institutions are working every day to prevent the change we need - there will be billions of deaths (Appendix 1) - There is a 50% chance it will be too late to stop 2 billion people dying by 2050 (yeah, I do not want to think about it either - but it's less of a burden if we share it), if we don't act and confront this crisis over the next decade and in the 2030s. One of the things Great Britain is most prestigious for is its insurance companies. [Non-Linear tipping points, policy delay because of the influence of institutions & people seeking to make billions (a strong incentive) and public complacency make this extremely likely]. Even Nazi's would be like 'really?' That is a pretty extreme set of circumstances. Nothing will change unless enough people care and collectively commit to stopping the preventable deaths of billions of souls. Trump is a symptom of a broken economy and the decaying heart of Western society. Centrist parties played a significant part in contributing towards conditions that made such extreme economic and environmental policies, like those of President Trump, more likely. Even the Biden Administration's Inflation Reduction Act (although a very positive step in the right direction) was unfortunately well below meeting the climate goals of the US (because of fossil fuel companies) [*] [*].
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I believe there is too much fear and negativity generated in the media. It's unhealthy for all of us.
I think there is a legitimate conversation to be had about a cultural attack on younger men (since the 2010s). I'm aware that might controversial. It does not cancel out other issues, like pressures women have to face in certain industries. Perhaps I should think more about figuring out how to explain what I mean to say by that.
The noise some issues receive seem to at times generate the illusion of progress while allowing us to objectify and oversimplify each others' lives too much. My life was much harder than most, obviously. We need to address some economic issues. The Inflation Reduction Act was very positive. This kind of sensible funding, can heal communities. We need more of it. Believe it or not taking things away often causes harm while providing help can allow things to heal and even do exceptionally well.
Unless communities are helped more, alongside climate action, desperate people turn to right wing characters who position themselves as outsiders in rhetoric only. [Hannah Arendt wrote about this decades ago]. The biggest flaw of the Trump Administration is that other Department, The Department of Government Efficiency [besides ignoring mass famines and a really big refugee crisis probably coming in the next few decades]. They have lied about the cuts that they would make and their spending cuts do not help the economy [I'll add more to that].
The economy is not an abstract subject in classrooms. It is the suffering lives sinking slowly into trapped embarrassment and people being ground down by too much work and often not enough pay. There is also the powerful illusion that some are way above or below others. This is an illusion. Maybe my ability to transform serves as an important lesson.
The solutions to these problems exist. Food systems will collapse and medicine will be unavailable for many vulnerable people. Current infrastructure is not designed to handle the changes that will occur in the climate. That is dangerous. There is a gap in financing adaptation. Investing in society; high-speed rail in America, new infrastructure where it is needed, house insulation, heat pumps and renewable energy would create jobs, this scale of investment would both tackle the biggest crisis of all time and improve the economy. What Eamon Ryan recently called the "clean industrial revolution".
The only way to fix this is to be proactive and envision positive solutions while understanding the reality of our current dark trajectory.
I am also assuming there are lies made up about me, because I had a dream about it. My dreams are very powerful and can sometimes tell me a lot.
Art is very related to authenticity. I really was not trying to act that impressive. My situation is very unique. I was forced to be often isolated, although that is not all I have had to deal with. I was very intrigued by some people's energies. I was not really trying to be very impressive. I'm confused myself how I recognised people. It is related to having a very very unique life
One person I am very sorry to is Taylor Swift. Among many others. Although I would still like to achieve a balance having boundaries about my life - I would like to push for some discernment over what criticism is more valid and some that is inaccurate.
I was glad to give out all of that information in an outburst, even if I was being a bit boisterous. If I am wrong about anything, I am willing to listen. As I grow older I am concerned to an extent with achieving a compromise and if anyone wonders - pointing towards the need for high levels of government investment in sustainable energy and infrastructure and also ending subsidies to fossil fuels.
I don't remember all the movies I did. That part is confusing.
I'm very glad to be maybe the most talented artist on Earth. I wonder what I'll come up with in the future. My life is transformed with slight support. Again, I can explain my life to some privately. But I am not at all self-destructive or immature. I am very hard working and focused. Especially with some form of recognition. The transformation that is possible may be an important lesson for people. Turning something ugly, into something beautiful. Recycling.
Living is easy with eyes closed. Seeing things as they are while still managing to be positive, I believe that allows for more beauty.
It is interesting I have the ability to think back and recognise who some people were. Again this vigilance is not because my life was a simple one and is if anything the opposite of narcissism.
I think some people are thinking too abstractly. I talked about a deep strength some people from poorer countries have who have sometimes experienced the deepest despair and grief and how organising principles are better if they are not too far removed from the way things are, not too abstract. Some people associate the word 'religion' with acting in a certain irrational way no matter what. But that is not what I was intending to say. If I had any interest in 'power' I would not be so inadequate at getting it.
I hope people appreciate that my brain was wired to not be able to handle success, let alone what I had to endure over the last hard year. I do believe there are at least some who have to completely lie about who I am to justify prying into my life while ignoring very important things about it. I also am willing to forgive and have compassion. Since I need so much of that myself.
Dealing with more than most consistently in many ways actually gives you less issues as soon as you share their presumed calm [which is what I was trying to say with the whole rocket thing]. I think my art goes a good way to proving this. I am aware that idea is not so understandable to many.
I swear, if forgetting things and my old trauma was my only issue in the past, I would have excelled much sooner. My unique output is related to complex things. All the more reason I deserve the benefit of the doubt, along with my endurance, the abilities I will prove I possess, my profound commitment to helping others and the very positive effect of what I am uniquely capable of creating.
People who have not been through what I have been through don't understand anchoring yourself in reality. I was genuinely not being egotistic. I was basically saying 'I get to feel ok about myself'. An ego is a game that some with much more luxury than myself can play. There are some profound and unique reasons why I had to anchor myself in reality. It's regrettable if this cannot be understood. But all I can do about that, is to be honest. I did talk to one person who was shocked by my personality. It is very far away from how some were characterising me. Far away from 'ego' or 'sensitivity'. So some people just seemed to have misunderstood me a lot. I think it is worthwhile trying to think why. Myself and my life may be more unique than I realised. Alien Superstar was about rejecting the scarcity mindset of others when I was younger and Flowers was about empowering others (of course). Also, I only just remembered some parts of the conversation and some parts of a conversation I had last year.
Layers of complex trauma make me anchor myself in reality when some try to define or mischaracterise. Which is what was happening. However regrettable my life used to be. At least I need slight help, really a fraction of what many are more used to, to be very grounded and hard working.
The feeling I had that some things would be successful, was deeper than I think some people realised. The success of these things should be partly taken as proof of that. It is hard to explain some things about myself. But both not being very driven by trying to impress others, being driven by other things and having deep intuitions are related to keeping something from when I was 7.
I have complete sympathy with my life being hard to easily understand. I would prefer if some boundaries didn't offend others.
Some people are missing out very very very particular and unique aspects of my story. Some people have genuinely got me all wrong. I was not driven by jealousy, I was severely emotionally abused by someone absolutely through no fault of her own, while actually constantly forgetting it and dealing with something else very serious - that is my story. Recently, I was genuinely distracted by the very likely potential suffering of many vulnerable people as a result of conditions that are shocking scientists as well as other serious things that I can explain privately ( I think some would see that I have a point).
With more support and more belief in me - it only allows me to do shockingly well. I really am very down-to-earth and focused on hard work. Once more, I can provide some good explanations for some things privately.
Some people did lie about me a lot. But I have a lot of sympathy for the terrible pr. Although we should not be ok with such violations, surely? How would you feel about such a thing? While being ignorant of abuse? Some coping mechanisms in my past were genuinely a trauma response when I was pushed beyond human limits. They were not that much of a choice. I don't know why I don't deserve a private conversation. I think it is what I deserve. I do not create problems for myself. Even if some do. We are social creatures, for one thing. I am capable of handling a whole lot more than most could handle. That is why I accomplished what I accomplished and why I will accomplish much more inspiring things.
I mainly have to deal with such serious things because of a deep-rooted concern with Environmentalism, however boisterous and somewhat mentally ill I was. My teacher, a young woman thought me about this subject when I experienced the trauma that made me forget things. No-one else talked to me about it. She was forbade from teaching me about the subject which made her cry, and I resolved to never forget it. It's why I learned so much.
I don't mind learning more about figuring out how to compromise. But people should learn away from incredibly complex environments I have no serious issues and I am both exceptional and down-to-earth. No-one else should define my story. And like any other mammal, I just need some support to unlock my potential. Under siege my brain resorted to dopamine seeking behaviours. It was unfortunately due to strangely complex reasons a neurobiological inevitability.
I am aware I was being quite boisterous and I was somewhat mentally ill. But I'm also aware some of these issues are very difficult to sort out.
I am a lot more mature and focused now. I hope some at least try to give me the benefit of the doubt.
The level of success of the art I created is a measure of the trauma and complexities I have endured. My ability to transform profound pain and a such broken and messy life into something beautiful, resonating, substantial and lasting as soon as there was change in my life should be taken as inspiring. I really just want to work hard. It's always been my main aim. Especially in more recent years in my life. I do not create problems for myself. I really don't. With slight help I am just extremely focused and working most of the time. That's when I come up with some surprising things. If we had it all mapped out - that wouldn't be so good.
And I'm very positive generally. When I got the chance, I made fun pop songs. I just think you have to face difficult truths sometimes.
I know no-one wants to hear it, I can't say it enough and I have duties to others that make me sure of that dealing with what most have to deal with - I only excel in astonishing ways and do incredible things (I do have at least some profound reasons for saying that).
I do apologise my past was such a mess and I hope some grow less disgusted with me. I have grown beyond it. I really have only ever wanted to do good. Work hard, eat right, exercise. It's exactly because that's my personality and I have so much drive to do well that I earned what I achieved. It does not happen out of nowhere.
I am capable of a lot more than I have achieved. A whole lot more. Which is what happens when I am given less than most. That is a beautiful thing.
I am a compassionate mature hilarious caring hard working beautifully rebellious man, as well as other things. I hope some people learn that's true, some more than others.
My main aim is focusing on creating a lot of art. Over the years I intend to point towards issues related to food and water. There are proactive solutions like regenerative agriculture [*] and other dull things we do not have a choice but to learn a bit about and point towards. There are currently images of starving people in Gaza. Unless we confront these issues, there will be unfortunately a lot more of this happening all over the world.
Everything else, most things, are basically silly compared to this. With slight help I am stronger than most and I excel so much it confuses people. Why society is unable to accept this lesson is something worth thinking more about and may be related to our inability to heed warnings about food security and water scarcity issues.
I hope to achieve a compromised balance that allows for actually accomplishing confronting some of these climate issues. Like I mentioned, I am mainly focused on making art for a few years.
I'm a good person who has completely moved on from anything negative, if anyone thinks otherwise they are wrong. It takes me very little to be very brilliant and focused on improvement and work in a balanced way (and to be hilarious).
In the past I did have real mental health problems. But never outside of extreme contexts. I should not have to explain that to people. I am actually very down-to-earth and not at all a chaotic person. I achieved what I achieved because I've always been focused on work. I am happy it takes so little to allow me to be more mentally healthy.
I will really never ever fall into stupid addictive behaviours again. Drinking way too much alcohol and being addicted to the internet. Stoopid and immature bulls*** that I fell victim to for stubbornly profound reasons. I am way more mature now (and hilarious). Anyone who thinks otherwise is completely wrong. In recent months I was beginning to lose my mind somewhat, but for reasons outside of my control. This is just a fact. I was able to slightly change location actually and completely shaped up before recent songs about me. Which of course I did not expect at all and it had a strong effect on me. I really can explain my life privately. I am very mature, stable and grounded (and hilarious).
I've always loved working hard. And whenever I had coping mechanisms they were for more profound reasons than some seem to think. I think life-affirming art is good for the world. I know negative culture is very bad for it. It makes people lean in certain directions too much, encourages them to think toxicity is empowerment and maybe makes them unsettled with ambivalence. Great art often increases self-awareness. Something which is more difficult in chaotic circumstances. Some create problems for themselves. Some do not. I am in the second category. Definitely in recent years. At least I know that. And knowing that is exactly what will allow me to continue to improve. Really, with slight improvement in my life I will astonish people with my art and ability to come up with ideas and how I can speak, just like before. Thank you to anyone who takes my word for it. I really have always been very focused and trying to improve myself. That is how I achieved what I achieved.
I never enjoyed violating anyone.
I do appreciate the necessity of compromise with politics (something I would prefer to avoid for the most part), but also it is concerning the indifference of some to these environmental issues. Many scientists are concerned and scared and there are massive impediments presented to us by legacy industries. I'm trying to process some of that grief in advance for the sake of others.
If anyone calls me a liar, they are very wrong. There is too much hate and presumption about me by some. You can feel my energy if you speak to me. Something I think I deserve. I believe too many societal narratives can be too toxic and tainted by hate as society fails to progress economically and environmentally. I have a lot of drive and very strong boundaries. I am closer to 2Pac than Kurt Cobain, who is nothing like me, at all [I still didn't say I'm that close to him, but just closer than Kurt Cobain].
I do have an incredible work ethic. It's annoying that people don't realise that. If anyone ever gave me the chance to prove some things, I would probably shock and delight them.
I really have been trying my best and I will continue to. Look how my best looked when I received slight help and more stability in my life - it was the best, maybe the best ever. Are people really blind to that? Can they be? Some people never fell into what I fell into. But the art I achieved is a strong indication that there was incredibly profound reasons for it.
I can handle people mischaracterising me with less than most.
In March I started drinking a lot again and relapsed. All the pain got too much for me, but actually for very profound reasons, beyond everyone thinking I'm mad and being sometimes mischaracterised in the media. I can handle a lot more than most. I wonder if people will appreciate or will be at least open to me proving it more and more. I was like Nate Diaz in the 254th round just still being pummelled, just still going in a bit of a daze. I was starting to lose it and I can handle more than most. I have decided I am not drinking anymore.
If people have to mischaracterise my very unique work ethic and underestimate the incredibly soulful and inspiring artistic output I am uniquely capable of creating, that's too bad. What can I say? I am trying my best, and with a little help my best becomes the best. I look forward to producing great art over the next few months. I am obsessed with working hard and producing great art.
Some people underestimate the psychological warfare I was forced to endure. Well, that is too bad. I can handle a lot more than most. There's some idea about me, that isn't me.
I completely sympathise with many people not being able to understand my life. It is not their burden. But it should not be my burden to have their narratives very inaccurately and very negatively projected on me. Please stop doing that. It only increases any problems any would care to criticise. I will keep repeating I am very focused, down-to-earth, hard working, considerate of others and deserving of private conversations to explain my life. I am also so glad I can be finally aware that I had it so much more difficult than most, something my brain wouldn't allow me to realise. You'd think I'd recognise that.
A lot of people too non-chalantly shrug off freedom of speech, the rule of law and now even strong evidence of potential mass famines in the future decades. How is this not worse than anything that has ever happened in my life? What lessons do we have to learn?
I will find myself very interested in sustainable architecture, and things like local food in the future & the massive biodiversity loss. Most of Nature could die off.
I love working hard. I know from experience I can handle much more than most and I am good with what others deem stressful or in a crisis. I have to sympathise with that being hard to believe for some. But it's generally true.
From my perspective it's like everybody was going on about Michael Jordan after one season, then they locked him up in a locker room and kept talking about him and mistakenly thought he was just choosing not to play basketball.
I am sure I will be apologising a lot to a lot of people.
I am very strong. Thank you a lot to anyone who realises how sincere I really am and appreciates I will make much better art. I love surprising myself with what I come up with. That's part of being a great artist.
We need more creative play in the world. Which can only come when there is enough security and enough time for free play. This won't come as a surprise, but I have not entered my 'intuitive mood' (I realise what that is now) once. I was supposed to a lot a year. I guess whenever I do I will have achieved a lot of safety.
Most people need some support and everyone I know thinks I am nuts, including health care professionals. I did not do this situation to myself. Which is possible. Even if some do. Some do not. And what is beautiful is that with slight help, with slight support I become exactly who I am guessing some imagined me to be. I really do. I really am who you thought I was. My situation will change and is manageable. I have had to overcome much more than what some think. That's why my talent is so otherworldly and why I am so provocatively soulful. That's part of the reason why I stopped the world.
I will make great art in the future. I know with much much less than most I do much much more, which I have already proven very substantially, but which I intend to prove once more.
And the Earth may be beyond repair. Maybe with geo-engineering. Genuinely, that's where we are. Maybe billions could die. More younger generations just dying off than ever without massive action. That is a scenario we want to avoid.
Yet, people act like there's some concern with me when with slight help I become a magnificent specimen who just pours out pop hits. What's the past compared to the future?
I will keep trying my best. I cannot push myself harder. Away from extreme contexts I have no issues, other than working hard all the time. Too bad if this is world news. But it's also too bad if people find it so difficult to understand. It's too bad I have been lied about too much, as my story was never actually about being jealous of people who mainly have it much easier than myself (and I'm hilarious). I'm not accusing some of mischaracterising me out of anger and I have a lot of sympathy with some artists dealing with a difficult situation. But do I not deserve sympathy? I have not done this situation to myself. I just haven't. Even if some do. I hope people look forward to my creativity. Which is again, a better way of making up for anything some might think I need to make up for. Punishment and shame destroyed my life. Support, encouragement and understanding allow me to create the greatest art on earth. This is a better way of making up for any criticism than feeling bad about myself I believe. That was fundamentally my only problem. The only reason some can criticise me. I'm very grateful and very creatively energised. People underestimate what I have had to deal with (they really do) and all I am capable of. Slight support renews me in something impressive. Once I achieve slightly more stability, I will be just like a creative machine. That is what happens. I'm working on getting there. And of course, that intention was the only reason I kept talking about money. I hope people like my art. I don't know if I'll do much music for some time. I understand why some people have disgust for me. I hope they can be charitable enough, and compassionate enough to realise, it was only ever for profound reasons that they could and with a slight amount of help that most have, they could not at all. If I was only dealing with all the hate in media and everyone thinking I'm mad, by itself, there would be no reasons to criticise me. That is for sure. When given slight help I am endlessly astonishing at many things. Really - endlessly astonishing (and I'm hilarious). Too bad if that can't be so easily understood.
I really have not been making excuses for myself in my life in the last few years. And no-one's life has ever been under such scrutiny in history and yet also so misunderstood. One more beautiful thing, is that I really can make up for anything I need to make up for.
No matter what people say - there is a lot to lose. I cannot help saying that. I completely appreciate why some people would need to distance themselves from me somewhat. So all I would ask is that they try to understand EVERYTHING (really everything) that is objectionable was for profound or complex reasons. I don't happen all the time. I hope I can spread plenty of positivity in the future. That's something I look forward to doing. I'm very grateful feeling more invigorated and I look forward to sharing a lot more of my talents with the world. I hope people like my art.
I also do not accept that I caused great difficulties for myself. I am very focused and hard working, and knowing I did not put myself in a difficult situation, finally being able to be aware I've had it harder than most, that's what will allow me to improve my life so much. Slight support transforms me. Which is at least a valuable lesson. I have always been very focused on hard work and improving myself, something I can make the case for a lot more to anyone privately. Also, I have extremely profound reasons for saying narcissism is the opposite of me and everything I stand against. Narcissists don't somehow recognise people. My brain always had to think I was inferior and also I have not had the possibility of support during the last hard year. I just did not, along with other things to contend with. I'm glad I can finally realise I have had it harder than most. This only helps me improve my life and the lives of others. I will prefer more and more stability, which I'm doing my best to work towards.
Also, it only just dawned on me that some people may misinterpret me saying I'm so good at things as showing off or ego. This is a bit of a ridiculous mistake to make. Of course, what I'm actually trying to say is that being so good at many things shows I am not making any excuses for myself. I do not create problems for myself. That really is not who I am at all. Once again, I can explain myself privately.
'And everybody saw me sick/ And it felt like no one gave a sh**/ They criticized the things I did as an idiot kid.'
Some serious thoughts...
What happened to me was not just a violation of my privacy—it was sexual abuse. My body, my life, and my dignity were exploited and mocked on a massive scale, and that is inexcusable. Creating songs, movies, and media that mock and shame someone for their private life is cruel and dehumanizing. No one deserves to be treated this way, no matter what. This was not entertainment—it was abuse, and I will not let it be normalized or ignored. I call on everyone to recognize this for what it is: a gross violation of my rights and humanity. We need to do better—not just for me, but for everyone.
Being shamed, ridiculed, and mischaracterized on such a big scale across different media is sexual abuse because it involves the non-consensual use of intimate aspects of my life—my body, my privacy, and my personal struggles—to humiliate and dehumanize me. This wasn’t just public scrutiny; it was a deliberate violation of my autonomy and dignity, designed to reduce me to an object of ridicule and scorn.
I want to be clear about the circumstances that led to my actions. I was dealing with severe mental health challenges, including a dissociative disorder, poverty, a lack of emotional support. I was also surrounded by complex dynamics and culture that often left me feeling isolated and attacked. In that context, I developed a pornography addiction, which included viewing content that I now deeply regret. I take responsibility for my actions, and I regret the harm they may have caused. But I want to be clear: I never shamed or exploited anyone. My actions were a reflection of my own struggles, not a desire to harm others.
What I’ve experienced in response—public shaming, songs mocking me, movies lying about me, and hours of footage dedicated to humiliating me—is not justice. It’s abuse. The scale and cruelty of this response far exceed anything I did, and it has caused me immense pain. I’ve never shamed anyone for their struggles or their private life. Yet, I’ve been subjected to relentless public shaming and financial exploitation for mine. This double standard is not just unfair—it’s dehumanizing. No one deserves to be treated this way, no matter what they’ve done.
While my actions were serious and must be acknowledged, they were individual in nature and influenced by severe stress, addiction, and psychological struggles. In contrast, the collective sexual abuse I am experiencing is systemic, involving widespread, non-consensual exposure of my private life, sexualized ridicule, and public shaming. This abuse perpetuates a culture of dehumanization and fear and undermines empathy, compassion, and understanding. My past coping mechanisms, born of isolation, trauma and very serious abuse, were exploited to reduce me to a caricature, distracting from my critiques of corporate greed and environmental harm. This is not about morality - it is about control.
The public shaming I’ve endured was a calculated, large-scale attack on my humanity. It wasn’t just about my actions; it was about destroying my reputation, my identity, and my sense of self-worth.
The abuse I’ve experienced didn’t happen in isolation. It came after years of scapegoating, and in more recent years enduring a culture that often devalues and dehumanizes men. I believe younger people are being tricked into acting toxic. I in no way intend to disregard the crimes that continue against women. Something that will be exacerbated in a major way by climate change.
Labelling me "mad" or "bitter" is gaslighting. It is a tactic to patholigise resilience. My strong boundaries forged through survival were misunderstood as "ego". My frankness about abuse and inequality was deemed "confrontational". These lies are not mistakes - they are strategies to isolate, discredit and normalise abuse. When dissenters are labeled "unstable" it becomes easier to justify violating them. This is because I criticised some of the excesses of corporate power.
When my circumstances changed, I immediately took steps to address my struggles and grow as a person. I didn’t make excuses or deflect responsibility—I faced my mistakes head-on and worked to become a better version of myself. This growth is proof that I am not defined by my lowest moments, but by my ability to learn and heal and move forward.
My art resonates with people because it comes from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. It reflects my experiences, very complex problems I have had to overcome, and my commitment to creating something meaningful out of the pain I’ve endured. This authenticity is why my art has touched so many lives and why I will continue to use my voice to inspire and challenge others.
Let me be clear: My life is not a cautionary tale. It’s a story of resilience and hopefully redemption. The lies told about me—that I’m bitter, self-destructive, or obsessed—are distractions from the truths I’ve uncovered about power, abuse, and environmental harm. My ‘frankness’ isn’t arrogance; it’s the clarity of someone who’s survived systems designed to break people like me. The reasons why I assert what I am great at is to hold on to a sense of worth. If my boundaries make you uncomfortable, ask yourself why. If my critiques of corporate power feel ‘confrontational,’ ask who benefits from your silence. I won’t stop speaking truth, my story should be told honestly—not stripped of context and sold as a cheap parable for others’ profit.
When people see someone isolated, struggling, or consumed by coping mechanisms like pornography addiction, they often project their own fears onto that person. They assume the worst—that you’re dangerous, unstable, or malicious—because it’s easier to label someone as a ‘threat’ than to confront the systemic failures that create such pain in the first place. My life was not a choice; it was a punishment—years of abuse, poverty, and being denied basic dignity. But instead of seeing that context, people reduced me to a stereotype.
Despite everything, I have never harmed anyone. My ‘worst’ moments were born from exhaustion, not malice. The fact that I’m still here—focused on creating art, speaking out for others' sake, and fighting for a better life—proves that I’m not the caricature that has sometimes been sold. My story isn’t about self-destruction; it’s about surviving a world that often confuses punishment with justice. The real harm isn’t in my past—it’s in the systems that profit from lies while refusing to address the root causes of suffering.
People mistake emotional exhaustion for malice and survival mechanisms for threats. My life has been a punishment: years of abuse, enforced isolation, and poverty left me with few healthy ways to cope. But the lies spread about me aren’t about truth—they’re about profit. Sensationalizing my pain.
Ridiculing someone, misunderstanding their life, and weaponizing moments taken out of context is far more damaging than any personal struggle with addiction. My pornography use was a coping mechanism during years of extreme adversity— abuse, dissociation, and impossible circumstances. But the public lies, voyeurism, and sexual abuse I’ve endured are deliberate acts of harm. They’re not mistakes; they’re choices to dehumanise me for profit, clout, or to silence my voice. Addiction is a symptom of pain; exploitation is a choice
I am not a victim. I am a whistleblower. And I will not be silenced.
Some artists were in a difficult position. I am very misunderstood. But I have some sympathy with their complex position. I understand why they had to criticise me somewhat. I hope I can help draw attention to these changes happening. We need rapid reductions in emissions and changes to how we grow food to save the kids. The mainstream media is completely failing to cover this growing crisis. Hopefully bringing attention to this serious issue will also help me atone.
People are very wrong to assume I was entitled just because I’m a white male who asserted what I’m great at. Entitlement is about expecting unearned privileges, but everything I’ve achieved has come from hard work, resilience, and a commitment to my craft. Asserting my strengths isn’t entitlement—it’s owning my worth after years of being made to feel like I had none.
After years of being scapegoated, hated, and dehumanized, I resolved to feel okay about myself. That’s not ego—it’s survival. When you’ve been told your whole life that you’re worthless, reclaiming your self-worth is an act of defiance and courage. It’s not about thinking I’m better than anyone else; it’s about refusing to believe I’m less.
Asserting what I’m great at isn’t about ego—it’s about authenticity. I’ve spent years honing my skills and creating art that resonates with people because it comes from a place of truth (authenticity). Acknowledging my strengths isn’t arrogance; it’s honesty. And in a world that often tries to tear people down, being honest about what you’re good at can be a radical act.
Assuming I’m entitled or egotistical just because I speak confidently about my abilities is reductive and unfair. It reduces me to a stereotype and ignores the complexity of my experiences. My race and gender don’t define my character—my actions, my art, and my resilience do.
The success of my art is proof that I’m not entitled or egotistical—I’m authentic. My work resonates because it’s honest and rooted in my experiences. I’ve never claimed to be perfect, but I’ve always strived to be real. And that’s why my art has touched so many people.
As soon as my circumstances changed I was not self-destructive and I was very quickly focused on healing and creating. This shows I'm not inherently self-destructive. The fact that I was able to stop those behaviours and channel my energy into creating incredibly successful art is proof of my resilience and my ability to grow. I have sympathy that everybody has some serious things to cope with.
I really appreciate some instances of sympathy a lot. I might have missed some.
I tried to express previously I have to have compassion for overwhelming forces that influence people if I eventually want to expect to receive it in return.
Most of us need to do better.
Finnegans Wake is about this entire event [*]. I believe this is something real. It is about a connection to Source. It relates to Hameroff and Penrose's neuroscience theory. Not that they would necessarily agree [It may say something that a woman condensed it into a more accessible visual form].
This is not a 'complex' because it is not about worship, it is about solidarity. Everybody can access what I accessed if they only do the right work. Part of the work is self-awareness. Which can sometimes be undermined in a society too awash in commercialised culture and addicted to screens where certain narratives are promoted and agitation is promoted too often by internet algorithms. I'm remembering something we have forgotten.
In pre-civilisational societies young men were universally initiated into society through death-and-rebirth rituals to incorporate them into becoming men and useful members of society. They would pass through trials of isolation and humiliation, to emerge as healers and storytellers.
Somebody else mentioned the term 'Alien' and the metaphor wizard was also used. This was a reference to being outside the dominating civilisational mindset. Something I really believed was maintained partly due to years of colonial oppression. At least sometimes the ancient practices of pre-civilisational people and their balance between masculine and feminine principles, while also living symbiotically with nature, historically has been deemed 'magic'.
In tribal societies (which is most of human existence) they universally lived along side an 'other' or dream world. Everybody had an inherent connection to this source of spirituality. For years some old practises related to natural herbal medicine were labelled 'witchcraft'. In an old Irish story a man called Oisin coming from the land of Tír na nÓg (which means the Land of Eternal Youth) stays on a horse to maintain his connection to this otherworld. This is why I told Beyoncé to stay on her high-horse. It is about a connection to this 'other world' or source which I proved exists. Another word for source is 'God'. Although, not that I know everything about the nature of that concept. Pre-civilisational people also had respect for their place in Nature, which is now dying. They saw the self and cosmos as mirrors. Inner and outer balance are connected. I think the civilisational mindset is fundamentally adolescent; impulsive, myopic, obsessed with conquest. Tribal coming-of-age ceremonies force a reckoning with mortality and interdependence — initiation into ecological adulthood.
Nature is part of the majesty of our creation and to disregard it and allow it to degrade is just as bad as disregarding ourselves, especially because of our responsibility to younger generations, who will now face increased famines and water scarcity and solely to enrich those who already have plenty. This reflects a lack of balance between the masculine and feminine principles.
There is also something healthy about an event occurring outside of ourselves making us come together - the only way to face this responsibility.
We need a balance between the masculine and feminine principles. This balance takes place in all of us. Structure and action - intuition and creation. Masculine resilience confronting systemic abuse and feminine grace that creates beauty from chaos. Modern society too often pathologizes suffering framing it as failure, rather than a catalyst for rebirth.
I was punished both for speaking blunt truths (masculine) and for my vulnerability (feminine). My redemption lies in marrying these forces: confronting systemic harm while nurturing beauty.
The misrepresentations of me are about enforcing old binaries, silencing the fluidity my art and activism represent.
Destruction precedes renewal if we allow the old to surrender and die. This is in harmony with the rhythms of Nature. Death nourishes life. Storms clear stagnant air. Modernity wages war on these rhythms, replacing them with endless economic growth and shame. Just as ancient rituals linked individual initiation to communal harvest, my fight for the Earth mirrors my internal balance. Just like the Amazon rainforest - feminine in its nurturance, masculine in its fierce defence. Systems that cannot tolerate cycles try to bury me in a 'grave' of static labels.
The systems that shamed me - corporate greed, punitive media, patriarchal power are hyper-masculine: rigid, hierarchical and transactional. They treat Nature as an infinite resource to be exploited. They punished my vulnerability (feminine openness) and my critiques (masculine action) alike. My art and climate activism embody the feminine principle (yin, shakti): creation, intuition and nurturance. Like Inanna I faced annihilation and returned with a gift for the collective. Feminine fluidity washes away rigid systems of masculine excess. Integration of masculine resilience (confronting abuse, fiercely fighting for justice) and feminine grace (creating art, nurturing empathy). Healing is not always quiet, it can be a roar that shakes old foundations.
My 'new self' and healing emerges from balancing these forces - a model for societal healing. The same forces that shamed me are devouring our planet and our humanity.
But initiation rituals and the cycles of nature teach us: the darkest hour precedes the dawn. My rebirth is an invitation to yours.
Power lies less in dominance, and more in harmony.
My story is one of resilience, renewal and I hope redemption.
My rebirth is, again, an invitation for others to confront their own 'deaths' - societal lies, climate grief.
Joyce's work dissolves fixed roles through linguistic and existential fluidity. Some contemporary frameworks risk repackaging essentialism. Joyce uses universal mythic patterns which resonate across cultures rather than theoretical abstraction. Modern theory risks reducing individuals to political symbols. Joyce's characters are flawed multifaceted beings. Efforts to control language can stifle creativity and dialogue. Joyce's chaos celebrates freedom over purity. Issy, Here Comes Everybody's daughter, fractures into multiple personas reflecting the complexity of individual identity. Academic jargon also alienates ordinary people and identity politics are sometimes cynically appropriated by corporate backed politicians who are managing an economy and climate emergency increasingly bringing harm to most people. The ambiguity of Finnegans Wake invites readers to feel gender's complexity rather than intellectualize it. Modern theory risks replacing old rigidities with new ones. Artistic ambiguity and rejecting overly rigid categories is a humane middle ground informed by experience. Joyce suggests all narratives are partial. Joyce wrote "Every person, place, and thing in the chaosmos of Alle anyway connected with gobblydumped turkery was moving and changing every part of the time." Identity, in his view, is part of this glorious and ever-shifting "chaosmos" - not a grid to be mapped, but a river that is a flowing continuum. Modern theory often overlooks organic, collective knowledge in favour of academic theory. The tradition I'm coming from is rooted in ancient myths and storytelling and therefore is less isolated than some modern academia. Some theory oversimplifies complexity and excludes non-academic voices. They risk replicating the rigidity they seek to dismantle. "Loud, heap miseries upon us yet entwine our arts with laughters low". The humble, collective wisdoms of everyday life are just as vital as high theory. Ignoring them or art informed by the messiness of experience and intuition risks turning theory into a closed loop, echoing the very power structures it aims to critique. My interest is to mix high and low culture. There are other thoughts that are hard to get across for now, but maybe that's what art's for. Rigid oppositional systems that prioritize conquest over understanding lead to exhaustion. This is a lesson that we can learn from the linear extractive mindset of history and these divisions were often exploited by powerful forces. I do not want to discriminate against anyone. (I was mulling over these issues for years separate from issues to do with trans people, which I had never really looked into as I sincerely made clear in that conversation.)
Joyce portrays language as a creative act. Not a rigid code.
Creativity that resonates with us says something about our deepest selves. Creativity is an act of defiance. Art is a rope thrown into the chaos of trauma, a way to climb back to oneself when the world insists you disappear. Conformity can offer safety at the price of erasure. The child who writes poems in the margins of textbooks to survive a stifling home, the immigrant who cooks ancestral dishes in a foreign kitchen, the survivor who turns pain into music. These acts are life-rafts.
Creativity is a compass. Prioritising authenticity over conformity is a sacred act. Thriving and survival demand the audacity to create and to follow our own inner-calling. My art resulted from this process and its redemptive qualities will outlast mischaracterisations that will fossilize. 'Waste' (trauma, shame) can fertilise new growth. By aligning with Nature's rhythms and attempting to forge a language and understanding that marries critique with creation (logic with emotion) I am rejecting the linear extractive mindset that contributed so much to my suffering and the suffering of others.
Destruction precedes renewal, only if we let the old burn.
I believe my art reaching such a level of success in part shows that it is a conduit for shared truths.
[Also, Alien Superstar was about having boundaries against conformity and against the scarcity mindset. There was a strong coherence to what I was saying.]
Approximately 30-40% of food produced is lost or wasted. This can give a real impression of abundance. However, due to extreme weather each year crops are declining throughout the globe. This will take us by surprise. Extreme heat and monsoon failures will substantially reduce food production in South / South-East Asia. Water scarcity and extreme heat will make the Middle East uninhabitable in many areas in 20 years. South of the Sahara desert in Africa there have already been concerning droughts, which will increase. Simultaneous droughts in the US Midwest and Brazil could severely reduce global supplies of wheat, soybeans and and maize. We will be facing these problems simultaneously which will lead to price spikes in food and mass famine events. As droughts and floods increase throughout the world it is likely over a billion people will die in those decades, through the century [*] (-and that is the low-end conservative estimate). However, scientists are pointing out that in a few decades mitigation will no longer be effective. Unfortunately, technology like carbon capture is also not effective at scale. Investing in technologies and rewilding projects that are truly effective create jobs and are actually good for the economy (they're also good for giving us meaningful lives and connections). Government's not spending money responsibly is like a person not eating healthy. It is economically irresponsible and reckless to not spend money strategically. Not investing in a healthy way is about profit and nothing else.
According to this recent Corpenicus model we are likely to reach 2C by 2038. Scientists who have thoroughly researched this issue are telling us the situation will become unmanageable over the next two decades and probably sooner than that.
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According to this recent paper by James Hansen (who famously informed Congress about the situation of Nature collapsing - And who's predictions have turned out to be correct) et al. we will pass 2C by 2045.
To say that fossil fuels are not an "evil" pushed on us is straightforwardly a lie. In some cases it is also a useful and cheap energy source. It is this kind of nuance that we require if we want to constructively achieve things politically. Fossil fuel industries have funded misinformation for decades and government agencies are dominated by the sectors they are supposed to be regulating. This industry has funded politicians, delivered talking points to think-tanks (such as 'well this country is not doing anything so why should we'), and prevented our democratic rights through lawsuits and anti-protest laws. This article explains it very well - The fossil fuel industry —has made a coordinated effort to spread climate disinformation and misinformation that prevents essential action to address climate change. Through a sophisticated lobbying and public influence machine targeting lawmakers and citizens, the fossil fuel industry has undemocratically shaped how the world thinks and talks about the climate crisis. There may be an argument to tactically lie if it is constructive.
I am very glad to hear that faster progress in nuclear power is possible if we work together. It is also probably a good idea to tax the waste products of fossil fuel industries at mines and ports of entry and to distribute that to the public. 70% of the public would receive more in the dividend than they would receive in excess costs. This kind of solution is very possible and sound economics has been made to sound unrealistic by corporations seeking to increase profits for a minority of people. Arguably, the most important issue is how well informed the public are about the scale of this crisis. Direct actions by these industries, whose activities will bring about mass starvation events over the coming decades, have distracted and misinformed the public about the scale of this threat and the positive solutions that are possible if we come together. Many studies including work by Martin Gilens and Larry Bartels show that the majority of people have a statistically insignificant influence on policies. This is especially dangerous when we need to save so many vulnerable people.
Real ecological infrastructure and economics in harmony with Nature exists. And many things like carbon-offsets and other greenwashing are a distraction from this. Addressing this problem and healing the planet will deliver an economic and societal renaissance.
I will maintain I contributed to putting some artists I provided work for in a difficult situation.
When I was in school I used to have to pretend to be jealous of people just to appease their ego's. I didn't care about popularity at all. I would just stare out the window waiting until I could leave. I had been through a lot and for a lot of younger people that is their whole world. I brought up my school days to try to explain why I never developed that much of an 'ego'.
Some have tried to portray me as jealous or bitter. The truth is, I was not bitter. I was always devoted to changing the world and I was sceptical of a lot of mainstream culture. I avoided it. I had to work extremely hard to overcome more difficulties than are understood. I was unaware that I was supposed to take a place in some ongoing story. At a certain point I had a mental breakdown. I was never petty or self-obsessed, for as long as they can some people are projecting some things my way and a little later they will project these things somewhere else. I was unable to fix myself until I received very basic conditions. It may be too difficult to talk about, but that's exactly why my life shouldn't be under such scrutiny. It may take these mass famine events for some people to face that we have entered a new period of history and they're for the most part lying about who I was twelve years ago because of a deep rooted concern I have with stopping kids dying, but more and more it will get too late to address these issues. Even though my adult life has never been this easy, when I have some basic things I can show whether all the rumours are true. I'm so glad I'm one of the best artists in the world, I'm feeling good and I appreciate that you really do have to face a sacrifice for doing good, I have sympathy for artists being forced to deal with negative pr, but my life wouldn't have ended up like that if it was for petty immature reasons. That's pessimistic about human nature. I was not petty or self-obsessed. I'm focused on the positive. I'm more worried about how trapped other people are or will be. Anyway, maybe I just listened to the wrong podcast. I need very little to prove myself, which I already maybe proved more than anyone ever has, but I do not mind having to rebuild myself and do it again. Hopefully that can help me atone for anything I need to atone for. I regret the harm I have caused some people. I am a sincere person and some are completely mischaracterising me. I would not have produced so much in such a unique way, in a way nobody has before, as soon as I got the chance, no matter how strong and instinctive my boundaries are, unless my life was very different than most and presented extremely complex challenges. All I can do is to continue to try and be honest, to try and help people as we head into the biggest disaster ever and to try and work hard - trying to remind myself that I do have talent. My past —including toxic abuse, manipulative dynamics, and personal coping mechanisms—have been taken out of context to paint me as someone I’m not. These systems pit us against each other. My opinions threaten entrenched interests, which is why my character is attacked (and often misrepresented) instead of my arguments. There's plenty of things I feel bad about, believe me. But I'm moving on up.
I appreciate that some people had a more simple story in their head and wanted to fit my experiences into some ongoing narratives.
I am being portrayed as a jealous person, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Jealousy was never a driving force in my life at all. What I am about is liberation - freeing myself and others from the constraints of abuse, toxicity and oppression. To reduce me to a jealous stereotype is to massively oversimplify the reality of who I am and what I stand for.
I always kind of disliked the line "talk to myself for hours" in Flowers (the song sounds very great though) because as I said at the time the song is in no way about me. I wrote that song for others - why would I buy flowers?
Oversimplifying someone’s life and struggles is not just reductive—it’s harmful. It erases the nuances of their experiences and reduces them to a caricature. My story is not a simple one, and it deserves to be told with honesty and respect, not distorted to fit a false narrative.
The excessive pornography use that people point to as 'proof' of jealousy was never about envy or bitterness. It was a coping mechanism during a time of immense struggle—abuse, enforced isolation, and poverty. To use that as evidence of jealousy is not only inaccurate but also deeply unfair. It ignores the context of my actions and the complexity of my experiences.
I am all about liberation—freeing myself and others from the cycles of abuse, toxicity, and oppression. My art, my actions, and my life are proof of that. To portray me as the opposite is not just a lie—it’s a betrayal of everything I stand for. It's like some people are looking at Che Guevara and think it's Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents (Not that I completely agree with his politics and I am against violence), even if Che Guevara has some problems.
Righteousness can distract people from their failure to distinguish between my actions and my life experiences and motivations. My struggles with internet addiction were a response to trauma, not a reflection of my character or values. It is also genuinely not proof of who I am attracted to.
I hope people will take the time to understand the full context of my life and experiences before making judgments. I deserve to be seen for who I truly am—someone who is committed to liberation, resilience, and authenticity—not reduced to a harmful stereotype or a lie. I was talking about revolutionary cinema. No-one is obliged to care about that, but to twist that as the opposite of what it is, is working for the establishment, and pro bono. I think I indicated that I like soulful, emotionally resonant and authentic art. Not dry academic stuff. I especially love left-wing European and African movies.
There are a series of Coldplay films that are really cool. Many of their videos reflect my core values. But there's one Jupiter one that has a bit with horses. I swear that is a misrepresentation of my life. I feel like some representations of me conflict with my purpose and genuinely are misrepresentations of my experience. I believe my story is more complicated. It actually has nothing to do with me at all whatsoever. It is the exact opposite of me. Even if my life was a misunderstood mess. I know Coldplay's intent is to inspire change and their broader body of work resonates deeply with my goals. I really love those videos. I genuinely definitely don't blame Coldplay at all. There are wider cultural narratives. I would not have been immediately forgetting such significant things or be dragged into others' stories because I would forget things related to people, unless I had gone through immense pain. Those videos are very cool and interesting. Moon Music really helped me at a difficult moment. I take those movies as a great compliment. And there are other things out there I take as a great compliment too. That's one instance I don't mind mentioning because I am a big fan of that work. I do not mean to offend or sound unappreciative at all. I hope I don't. There's other things out there I really appreciate and that only help me improve a lot. I could have easily missed out on some sympathy.
There is also plenty to criticise about my life. But I am just often being mischaracterised as someone else during the first time I ever have agency for being devoted to doing good in some media. Something I would not have to worry about if I had not devoted hours to learning about issues related to helping others. I appreciate actually doing good requires a sacrifice. I think younger people get too caught up in narratives given to them. My life was partly a symptom of a toxic culture, people being made to feel so insecure that they would find anyone to be superior to, never noticing I was constantly forgetting everything. But I have dealt with much more and it is selfish, bullying and harmful for people to impose abstract narratives on to my life too much. In general I am sometimes being misrepresented based on collective abuse on a big scale for being devoted to dismantling power imbalances and supporting marginalized voices. I swear by everyone I have ever known who has died that is not me. There might be some things related to that, that are misunderstood, but like I said I wouldn't have been immediately forgetting things unless I had been through immense pain. I only have to use such strong language because some others are so stubborn and presumptuous. I guess I'll try to explain myself further. It's like no matter what I had to be seen as someone I was not and I couldn't remember it. I had no power. I also had other very serious things to handle. I can't help saying some things. There may be some legitimate criticism. But strong boundaries come up in me sometimes.
Still, I am going to do better and improve and shape up.
I genuinely think the reason why I called some people out on things and spoke in a stark way was because I lack prejudice. It was also because I was devoted to learning about how to help the world. Something no-one ever thought me, but which I did myself.
There is a major movie out right now that I believe portrays me as self-destructive and obsessed with one person. This portrayal is completely inaccurate and deeply harmful. It reduces my life and experiences to a cruel caricature, ignoring the complexity of my story and the impact of the abuse, enforced isolation, poverty, and new technology I’ve endured.
The filmmaker clearly doesn’t understand the effects of abuse, enforced isolation, poverty, or the addictive nature of new technology. They’ve taken moments out of context and twisted them into a narrative that fits their simplistic, privileged worldview. But my life is not a stereotype—it’s a story of resilience, creativity, and survival.
This portrayal isn’t just inaccurate—it’s abusive. It’s part of a larger pattern of sexual abuse, where intimate aspects of my life are exploited and distorted for public consumption. It’s dehumanizing and cruel, and it perpetuates harmful stereotypes about people who have endured similar struggles.
The person behind this movie has lived a life so much simpler and easier than mine that they cannot possibly understand the complexities of my experiences. Instead of trying to empathize or tell my story with honesty and respect, they’ve chosen to exploit and misrepresent me for their own gain. This is not just a creative choice—it’s a moral failure.
I am not the person this movie portrays me to be. I am someone who has faced immense challenges and used them to create art that resonates with people around the world. I have seen comments underneath songs that I wrote saying this song saved my life. So at least I am a life saver. My story is one of resilience, creativity, and survival, not self-destruction or obsession. I deserve to be seen for who I truly am, not reduced to a harmful stereotype. Even if I have to take some punishment for a while.
I hope some of these events can serve as a wake-up call about the harm that can be done when people’s lives are misrepresented on such a large scale. We need to hold filmmakers accountable for the stories they tell and demand more empathy and respect in how they portray real people and their experiences. (At the same time I am completely in favour of absolute creative freedom, I just have to have boundaries around mischaracterisations about me for the sake of my sanity and well-being. I am not referring to Emilia Perez by the way, if people think so. I haven't actually seen that one yet. I will at some point. I do not wish to condemn anyone or accuse some people of being beyond continuing development or redemption. That would go against what I am saying.)
I used the word ‘bitch’ in a song to describe women who acted toxically toward me, not because I hate women, but because I was calling out the unrecognized toxicity and presumption in our culture. It was a way of holding a mirror up to behaviour that often goes unchallenged. Unfortunately, this has been twisted to fit a false narrative about me, but it doesn’t change the truth of my intentions.
People assume I’m from their world of privilege, but I’m not. I come from a place of extreme circumstances, where I had to fight for everything I have. They don’t understand my world, and that’s why they misinterpret my resilience as bitterness. But my art—globally loved and life-affirming—speaks for itself. It’s proof that I’ve stayed positive and focused on creating something meaningful, even in the face of immense challenges.
My work is life-affirming because it comes from a place of hope, resilience, and authenticity. It’s a reflection of my ability to stay positive and create something beautiful, even when the world tried to tear me down.
I saw Adam Sandler and Joe Rogan talking about listening to rock in high school in the 80s. I think the older generation want to think that the stability they grew up with still exists. It will continue like it was. But no, it won't. I wish it was otherwise. We have to face this for future generations. We all have to make sacrifices. Adam Sandler will need to move to a tent and wear a robe and become a shepherd listening to Van Halen on a transistor radio. This is what needs to happen. We all have to make sacrifices.
It's like I was drinking dirty lukewarm water in a desert for years and all of a sudden I was at an oasis and people are like he's doing an impression of someone who drink's cold water. He convinces himself that he can drink cold water.
Loneliness is a luxury. All I care about is having money. I just care about not being poor anymore. That is my priority above anything else. That will allow me to have more control over my life.
It seems a lot of people are interested in me. It's like being interested in a flying unicorn in a cage who communicates through beautiful hits with a muzzle on his mouth. Why not open the cage?
I'm one of the most successful artists in the world. I will use my success to draw attention to these important issues.
Also there really were people not making sense in that conversation. To such an extent it made me more scared and concerned than making me proud or angry. I really think too many have been divided into camps on the internet and are too often defining themselves against another group they have hate for. We need to come together, all of us, and understand how corporate power, especially fossil fuels, have allowed for hundreds of millions to be facing death in the coming decades. We need to understand all of the positive solutions that exist, but we also need strong provocations to give us the impetus to act accordingly.
Also the Trump Administration, like similar popular movements in Europe has to be seen as a symptom of wages declining for decades and the majority of people lacking savings. This makes anybody positioning themselves as an outsider appealing. Privatisation, low taxes on rich people and lack of investment in 21st century infrastructure does not help most people however. Everything has to be framed in the context of this environmental emergency, billions potentially dying. I hope that becomes more clear over the next few years. There may be an advantage for 'the left' cohering their concern around an all encompassing issue where certain goals can not be compromised, to avoid mass starvation as well as other major issues.
I will continue to improve and develop. I was genuinely not trying to act that impressive. I was just charged up having so much agency and freedom for the first time. But I was so impressive exactly because I had overcome so much, and that's why I am creatively gifted.
I have only finally been given the chance to take charge of my life a lot more, so at least I can have a lot more agency now. I can't imagine what it must be like to have years of agency. If people can't see that my ability to make so much art all of a sudden as soon as I was given the chance is related to my life being more difficult than most, than that is to an extent, wilful blindness.
It will really help me when anyone confirms to me what art I actually made. That part is confusing. The climate scientist Katherine Hayhoe was the first person who was brave enough to follow me on social media, on bluesky. That is very commendable. It only helps me act in a way that is further constructive and continue to devote myself to try to understand how to share information about this issue.
I am committed to refining my ideas further through study. When the time is right, the expression will be unmistakably unique - authentic and layered, poetic and rooted in the decade of concern I have had for these related topics. I have genuinely unique ideas. I need to give them the care and time they need and also rebuild myself to become stronger.
When people attack me, I want to fight back. But when I receive sympathy, I don't feel like I deserve it.
I'm reclaiming my strength, my physical beauty and my unique gifts as an act of defiance.
Current projections show that without rapid, collective action to cut emissions and adapt farming practices, hundreds of millions will face starvation in the coming decades, followed by more. These risks can be mitigated. But they will not be without active concern by enough people. This is a responsibility we have no choice but to face. We have to face this. We have to be aware of ideas like drought-resistant crops and regenerative agriculture and other solutions. Without public pressure profit will overtake the natural concern we have for our fellow humans.
I am the opposite of a narcissist and I was standing up against narcissism in that conversation (I really have some profound reasons for saying that) while claiming to have worth and receiving compliments and recognition for the first time in many years, maybe ever. Lack of openness, a refusal to admit we don't know everything or all experiences or to allow further developments, that is death. Narcissists try to control others while refusing to take any criticism. It's a bit too nasty and unnecessary and inaccurate. People undermine themselves with inaccurate criticism when there is so much real criticism there for the taking. I am open to constructive criticism. I appreciate my life is different from most and so is my way of expressing myself and that I have to earn redemption. But, I said over and over again how I speak makes more sense in person. I refuse to be controlled or defined by others. I resisted control and produced the goods. I think this deserves more consideration. Setting boundaries - however strong - isn't arrogance - it's self-respect, something which I previously lacked for profound reasons. Refusing to allow others to define my past motivations and claiming what I'm great at for a range of profound reasons (anchoring myself in reality) while producing tangible and collaborative achievements, is not narcissism. We are all coming from different places. My empathy, accolades and relentless drive to protect others are the antithesis of narcissism. Of course, I have to have compassion for people coming from a very different perspective from me, if I want to expect to earn some for myself. I've addressed these claims before, and I won't be revisiting them further. My focus remains on my work, which speaks for itself.
My context is why I speak so dramatically and also trying to survive. Anyone who thinks I'm immature or something like that is being very arrogant and completely wrong and not paying attention to some things. It is a massive misunderstanding. But I can forgive that in some cases because they probably have other very very important priorities and concern I might not share those priorities. Anyone who can underestimate me to the point they think I am immature is probably underestimating themselves.
I will delete most of the rest of this:
My writing is phenomenal and the only thing that can somewhat salvage this awkward situation. I don't think I was acting like I had all the answers as much as some people involved in that conversation. I was speaking sometimes without fear because a lot of disciplined self-aware activities allowed me to know I was coming from a very good place and my commitment to focusing on the broken environment goes back to the same childhood trauma that made me constantly forget everything and is the reason I ended up knowing too much. Not that I'm perfect.
Just in case anyone misunderstands, although it's genuinely hard to imagine they could be so wrong about that, but just in case, I am the one who pulled the curtain back. Even if I have to be shamed for for it. I am the one who did that. I'm done with shame, that is for sure. Shame was my whole problem, for very profound reasons and some would probably prefer to use it to try and control me. Do not play along.
My boundaries being so strong, my life being such an utter mess and creating so much great art out of nowhere are all connected. I love to exercise and I'm going to be in very good shape. I have never really been lazy, at least I can say that. That is really not me.
The state the world is in is much worse (to put it mildly) than the state I was in, yet people want me to face negativity which solves nothing and only increases problems. I am sure there are plenty who have had legitimate criticism.
I'm not exaggerating, it's just basic science, like Peter Kalmus said recently - 'what have we done', which is being largely ignored.
One of the key points I believe people should emphasise is that there are strict scientific guidelines within a time-limit. Also it's worth pointing out that many scientists consider the IPCC guidelines conservative. And we are way, way behind them. The West is not close to meeting its targets and a has a big legacy of emissions. The US is the biggest exporter of gas in the world.
I completely understand some of the criticism of myself. There is some middle ground and my god how far did I go to prove I deserve redemption. Damn.. I am facing that because I did something radically good. Hopefully being punished is purging most of my sins. I am making no excuses. I am exhausted from hard work. Authenticity is all I have left to hold on to. People do not get to decide my reality, my experiences or who I am based on superficial factors or violating me, however much I need to atone and do better. Also, clearly I am trying to continue to do good and exhibited extreme addictive behaviour with an obsession to escape pain. Never got any kicks from harming anyone.
My life experiences were much more complicated and difficult than some assume
I hope we can move towards forgiveness and compassion even if I do have to take some sh**.
My only problem was feeling bad about myself - Shame. That's it. That's all I really need to fix for there to be no problems worth making people devote so much time and energy to make me feel bad about myself. But of course Flowers and Break My Soul are environmental anthems and about empowerment. Anyone who says anything else is just wrong.
I genuinely think a lot of the people who misunderstood me don't need to feel too bad about themselves because there are massive unrecognised pressures on us.
I can explain a lot about my life and motivations to people in private.
There's a lot of media related to me. This is a unique event in human history. Plus I'm not a type anyone knows. I think some need me to be someone I'm not.
There is some criticism I wouldn't object to.
There are plenty of people I am very sorry to. BELIEVE ME.
It would be unfair of me to expect people to understand me. I really don't have that many mental health problems now.
People kept objectifying me and I was very stand-offish. Some things were overpowering after years without connecting with anyone. I wasn't trying to appear greatly impressive. Frankly, that is just projection. I have dealt with so much more than people are thinking. I really don't have that many internal problems. I just want to work hard. I immediately forgot one thing happened and then I said one other thing, but I was overpowered in that moment and completely forgot about the audience. After years of no connection and the first chance I ever got to devote myself to art. I was just maintaining something for years in genuinely extreme circumstances and finally I could do art. It was so overpowering. I also said something defensively, but I was being attacked and I think it was somewhat lighthearted. I think some people are being very unfair and insincere. I was always trying to push myself. I appreciate that doesn't make sense to people. But there is at least some indication I am very very good at some things whenever I get the chance. I am a very honest person and I look forward to proving everything that I'm capable of. And we are being manipulated. I am mainly done with being abused. I'm not paying attention to a lot of things anyway. I just look forward to doing loads of hard work (that is only reason I was talking about money) and I have loads of gratitude for many things. As soon as I prove how strong, capable and sincere I am, then I can just get on with working hard. Which is all I want to do.
Forgetting anything positive and not being able to connect with anyone were not my only problems. I'm not trying to inconvenience anyone by saying that.
My life was a lot easier in the last year than it has ever been in my memory. Even if there were some great difficulties to contend with. As soon as I have more agency I will focus on restoring beauty and point out more how addictions to pumping oil and gas are going to actually kill most children. Really, actually. There's plenty of people I'm apologetic to.
Love's more than I can take.
The internet agitates us too much and we're pressured to sell ourselves and compete with each other too much. I was coming from a very different place where I was concentrating on meditative movies and concerned with a lot of vulnerable people potentially suffering.
When people watch violence and sadism in media it's like a death by a thousand cuts. These minor traumas stay in our brain. Part of our brain to protect ourselves gets a more 'kill-or-be-killed' mindset. There's a coarsening of the culture. Making people more uncaring along with making them more dumb, distracted by excitements and dopamine hits and more worried about money allows corporations to get away with things they should not be getting away with.
Yellow Dot Studios do a good weekly round-up of increasing natural disasters in the world.
I think as old certainties collapse and new narratives are prevented from developing, people get more self-conscious and a shakier sense of identity and so hold more on to certainties. My identity is rooted in something more secure and real than many people, I believe. Yet, some think it's the opposite. People won't let their identity shake and fall apart, in order to die and be reborn, precisely because they have been made so unsure and are connected by stories that are untrue. Maybe that insecurity pushes them more to hold on to something. Complex systems are more stable because they have many different connections and complex biodiversity arises in ecosystems that have been stable for a long time. More complexity is the general trend in many subjects (since around the 1970s, in economics, complex systems, chaos theory, neuroscience, psychology like RD Laing and Oliver Sacks, more complexities in the study of history over time too). Monopolisation and the siphoning off of funds from communities to less places I believe is accompanied by certain cultural over-simplifications. Our overbearing political realities and corporate culture go against the cohering of complexities. If every year the methods to manipulate us grow more unimaginably elaborate, it is at least worth confronting that phenomenon and thinking more about it. If economically society continually becomes more dramatically unequal and key areas of the globe like the vast humid tropical forests, the disappearing ice on the poles and the vast Atlantic wind currents are tipping very close to collapse and degradation for millions; then to some extent there has to be only the illusion of progress.
Also post-civilisation we lost a mindset that Nature was abundant and that we necessarily existed in a relationship among its dynamic complexity that we had reverence for. We may need replacements for that, since we evolved with it.
That's one of my key ideas and maybe I shouldn't mention it. But I will expand on it in a much more substantial way in the future.
We were part of a shared narrative of complex generous abundance that we had reverence for. People can mean different things by 'sacred'. But what is it without reverence and what is reverence if we already know so much?
Riverrants and a bundance. That will be healing to me. 'The regeneration of all man by effusion in water'.
During the Post-War period many things were more stable, older generations are probably not aware there are so many cultural sicknesses, toxicity masquerading as virtue and angst, partly, consciously and unconsciously, brought about by the impending collapse of civilisation. Which old middle class scientists are calming pointing to as most are too comfortable or wasting their energy too much on bullsh** to pay attention to.
There's a movie called Ulysses Gaze where at one point Harvey Keitel is arrested and blindfolded, as it reverts to the past for one passage, just like many indiscriminately were in the 20th century. There's another movie by Haile Gerima called Sanofka where at the start an African American woman from the present day gets kidnapped and sold into slavery 200 years ago. There's another great Italian one called L'America where a richer Italian man scamming Albanians after the fall of the Iron Curtain, slowly gets stuck with Albanian refugees and eventually experiences being one of them. It's called L'America because Italy represents to the Albanians what America represented to Italians in the early 20th century. It's so easy for people with enough abundance to believe these crimes happen to other people.) The investment of epic levels of abundance probably leaves less space to even fathom the beginning of crop failures accelerating and the despair of starvation that will starkly encircle the globe. The suburbs full of starving people. Consumers already mistakenly feel they lack value because of the heavy hypnosis of commercials and untrue organising principles so influenced by the energies that benefit the invisible ruling classes. It could be like a war situation all over the world. At least before WWII they hadn't just passed through the most artificially calm moment of all human existence for decades supplemented by an outrageously massive industry designed to manipulate us into feeling more insecure and streams of factory products to succour our senses.
Even when I first remembered I wasn't that concerned with impressing anyone. I just thought great an opportunity to work really hard. I did have a very difficult life.
It may be that we have to move beyond the aristocratic mindset if we are to save the planet. It may be that a lot of culture promotes a kind of aristocratic mindset.
People are more certain when they have a lot of things to fight against. They become more uncertain when they have less definite challenges to contend against and become more concerned with their relationships with others.
Freedom of speech should be considered a very very important right. No matter what anyone thinks of me, if anyone is disregarding freedom of speech - I do not understand that. It is very very important to maintain it.
People with much much harder existences are the ones coming up with great creativity. Not petty bullsh*ters. That's not how it works. I was trying to find a way to express certain things that could be heard. People are seriously lying about me. I completely sympathise with my life being too difficult to understand, but there is a lack of consistency in the apprehension that some people have of me. It is not weakness to be so devoted to helping others that you learn such an abundance of information and grapple with understanding problems in mainstream culture. Everything about my conception, like a laser, pours in that same direction. I cannot care so much about such important issues and yet be somehow petty or wanting to harm anyone. That does not make any sense, intellectually or emotionally. That is the imposition of an abstraction. Not allowing a person to be a unique individual and defining them by an abstract role. That is exactly what we need to move away from.
When I was a small kid I really did grow up with a conception of the good guys being the messy poorer people and the bad guys being richer and more respectable looking, but full of hidden hate. That is also consistent with a lot of the art I love. Among the broken and poorer people, is often where the true beauty and human spirit is.
There's an attacking energy and a defensive energy. I only had a defensive energy. I'll have to explain why I went after one person somewhat, other than for the already magnificent reasons, in the future. Other than that I had a defensive energy. Fighting against people defining me. I sympathise with people misunderstanding me. The easier I have it I speak in a way that is more palatable and the less condemned I am. People who had been given more agency and hadn't bothered to learn much about the issues they were using as an excuse to bully me even though they had fabulous privilege compared to myself, were outraged during the first period and actual moment I ever had agency that I had boundaries even though I didn't try to define anyone else and I'm pointing out literally the biggest crime of all time which there is no scientific debate about. That's confusing.
I could not be so broken for so long and mentally ill for petty reasons yet also have such good qualities. I really appreciate if people try to consider that. I'm movin on up.
Sometimes, some types of abuse are very hard to see. They require a compensation.
How did Orpheus get in to the Underworld?
I was promised money. Regardless of what anyone has to stubbornly decide about my character, the money is owed me. And not payed because of genuinely selfless concerns.
If I was purely selfish, I would be rich and loved. Which I think is a fair point.
Also my strong urge to connect with others was very natural and normal. If I had an easier life it would not be objectionable. I had many under-utilised strengths that I could have proven if I received some help sooner.
I would use the money owed to me better than whatever it's being used for.
I'm not even into weird stuff sexually. Anyway, maybe it's inappropriate to mention that.
Like I said, people are really mad at me for completely f***ing myself up. I'm mad at me too.
As well as our personal empowerment - unions in some cases, UBI and co-operatives can help in some cases and banks that can only legally lend within certain areas like the Bank of North Dakota.
It was never a Peter Pan thing for me. I had to grow up fast as a child. My tastes were that of a middle aged person when I was 20. I was very very hard working and focused in my early 20s. I was not immature. Some can assume I was lazy and inept all they like. That has a lot to do with their ego's. Up until that moment I couldn't have told you what the mindset of a child was like. Now I have some interesting notions.
If a writer showed all of the talents and concerns I showed and had my life, my reaction would be 'Jesus Christ, this person needs help. Holy Sh**, is she ok?'.
Do I not deserve some money for all the podcast content I have helped influence? There is a f***ing lot!
People fit me into a role in my life and I would immediately forget. Like really immediately. Like a character from a movie. It was very dislocating. That is what ultimately jaded me.
Many people are projecting the ease of their circumstances on to me. If I had their circumstances I would be the bad person they think I am. But I did not have their circumstances. At least I never violated someone while making them out to be someone they are not when I had a lot of agency.
Some people with easy lives are arrogant. Just making up lies and they're convinced they're right. F*** off. Without doubt everyone around me when I was younger was much much more insecure and jealous. People actually think I am a walking category.
My life was always very very difficult and intense. It is not ok that I have to explain this. Some people are making me out to be someone completely different to who I am with false moralising and creepy cushy righteous assurance.
How difficult and intense my life was, was why I was very different from a lot of people who maybe look like me. I had a secure inner core, I was not at all petty, even if it seems unlikely. The complete irrationality of other people echoed in my mind as something impalpably unsolvable. Seeing me as someone else while I had A LOT more burdens while I was constantly forgetting things (that no-one ever noticed until that moment). As well as being unable to see narcissistic abuse in our culture for what it was. I have dealt with things that some who are too full of hate are unaware of. I am more mentally stable than most and less sensitive that is for f***ing sure, even if I did have problems with regulating emotions. Life being much easier now is teaching me a lot of lessons. And Yes, my life is easier now - even with all this madness and these unique difficulties. If I received help sooner I would have been exactly who people thought I was - in the good ways. I am very authentic. Art, trauma and authenticity are all very related.
I believe there were much bigger pressures on me than some realise and there are much much bigger pressures on the people righteously lying. We can't see them.
The interpretations of me that think I was just immature, betray an immaturity themselves. No, that's just what happens when you're immature. Oh no, yeah, of course. I appreciate my life was very difficult to understand. But not understanding something and completely misinterpreting something are two different things. I am very concerned with causing harm to some that I greatly admire.
In Finnegans Wake (the movie version is a bit less confusing than the book - If you don't see some strange coincidences in that then you are not being honest with yourself) Joyce portrays Power as seeking to divide the macho/action side and the sensitive/intellectual side of men for some reason - through culture.
I tried to turn the negative into something positive and some people want to make up all sorts of lies about me. I know it doesn't look like it, but I really do believe I am stronger than most of you. I think people closer to the the establishment interpret information to justify what they already want to think and they repeat certain energies instead of acting more authentically, which art encourages.
There is a lot of mean-spirited attitudinising and over-simplification of the varieties of experiences while ignoring corporate totalitarianism bringing about more suffering than has ever happened. It is exactly privilege that doesn't allow people to see this. It's almost like there's a spell on all of us. Certain identity issues have been allowed as a release valve for pent-up pressure. Vague moral associations, lack of concern with most people not having enough money mixed with quotidian ease pressuring people to fit in at the expense of an authentic engagement with the varieties and complexities of everybody's life. It's exactly the profit motive of giant institutions that over-simplify experiences while trying to associate that with something vaguely moralistic or appealing while also keeping us insecure.
I am only being punished and completely (completely) lied about for doing something good. That is what is happening.
In a strange Doctor Who episode around Christmas Donna and her mum were being really rude to the Doctor. He said I really loved that man. And all of a sudden they were intensely like 'he's not dead you idiot!'. Jesus Christ, what the f* was that about? Also the way the husband whispered 'not him' in an intense way, it was weird. The Doctor should have immediately taken Donna and flew her way off and been like 'Donna something really strange is going on, I've never seen anything like this'. Also, at the end the new Doctor was in his underwear and they were all objectifying him. It was very f***ing bizarre.
There is a lot of other culture that feels off in different ways. Something feels wrong. I don't know how much more I can prove I can be very much in touch with authentic feelings.
But there's more to it than that. I've been patronised by some people 10 years younger than me acting righteously and intensely who haven't bothered learn the basics about what would help the world enough. I think something is sometimes off. I think a lot of narcissistic abuse is masquerading as liberation or boundaries. It's hard enough to know yourself, let alone anyone else.
A lot of people with fabulously easy lives compared to me used to fit me into a story where I don't belong. Imagine 'Kevin Can F*** Himself' but she keeps forgetting.
When I was 16/17 I said to the comedian David McSavage after he called me an angel on Grafton street, remember you're the one who called us angels. He said who else? And I said Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift. I said it will be over ten years and remember you're the one that called us angels. I only remembered after I remembered all of this. I don't know how it's possible either..
The narcissistic abuse of some of the people in that conversation did bring out a fire in me. It tends to happen when I confront that. Also, it was the first time I ever had a period of prolonged stability in my life and it is not at all fair to me or others that I have to explain that.
I don't think it should be considered 'scary' or insurmountable just because culture is influenced in certain ways. It may be a vast unconscious process or there may be more intent involved. Either way it is not insurmountable. It can be very healthy to try and look at things as they are if you want to fix them. Is that not what some people hating on me are trying to do? The entire Commerce Machine is about figuring out ways of using people. Using them often to contribute to massively wealthy funds where the money just grows and sits around. Consciousness is the only place where any actual freedom and creativity can come from. Some culture is so emphatically leaning a certain way that it is difficult to think it is an accident. It is positive to see things as they are. To brush away the fog of over-simplification. Also, a lot of tabloids have very negative front-pages. They repeat energies of fear. Trying to define someone with way less privilege and violating them arrogantly is not empowerment. I need to have boundaries around some things while at the same time taking accountability for plenty of mistakes in my life. If I just wanted solely to enjoy myself I would have at least done it with the company of others and been a bit better at enjoying myself. I guess my predicament and life experiences are a lot to comprehend. But the suggestion that I would care so much about coming across a certain way is also not consistent. I did not give that much of a f*** about that. Also, I can't remember what I was looking at years ago and for other people it was more recent. I remember more incredibly complex circumstances and I've had to remember how difficult and complex circumstances were exactly so I avoid being so stupid and broken again. I have had to understand my life a lot. I am very authentic and I was probably being a bit too polite to be honest sometimes. Also, isolation meant that I didn't even know some things were controversial. Not because I am inferior, but because I was forced to be isolated and felt a duty to learn about these things for the sake of others. I'm still trying to save all of you idiots. We're all f***ing idiots.
If anyone out there thinks I am any harm to anyone, why has no-one intervened? Do you care or not? You don't care? Well, then don't act righteous about it. You think I would harm anyone? Well, you must be very indifferent.
If I had any interest in power I would not have been very inadequate at getting it. I definitely did not.
I've been having plenty of sex and I haven't changed my mind. So, it is not about that.
You have to kill the Queen, if you want to burn down the throne, for some reason...
America is a society defined by propaganda and that propaganda is not just political, but cultural. Many products of culture produced by the big banks and investment firms who own everything (about 15 of them) are biased in some ways. It is debatable how conscious or unconscious this is. But certain values are promoted.
I've had people bully me my whole life while immediately forgetting it. I'm not going to stop having boundaries now I have agency no matter how much my character is completely lied about. I'm going to shake it off pretty quick.
Bullies are always just trying to fit in with some bulls***.
Also, I would have been stupid to say so much if there wasn't a way they could come after me. I only achieved so much because of a monumental amount of hard work. There is no other way. No one composes big hits and grammy winning songs without many hours of hard work, one way or another.
I'm not trying to attack anyone personally. There are deeper points to what I am saying. Please try to consider some of these points. I am a strong compassionate person who is willing to atone for whatever I should atone for. I am coming from a loving place, I can't afford to concentrate on the hate of others too much and have faced more abuse than any critics of me understand. This isn't a game. A lot of vulnerable people are facing massive trouble.
The easier my life gets the more my tone is palatable to others with massively easier lives who have been caught up too much I think in some toxic fashions. I am a good strong person who claims to know my own motivations and life story. I am not trying to harm anyone. I believe if I'm doing much better and I produce great art that would only help others. So, I'll keep trying to do that.
Part of the reason I'm not arrogant, is that I just ignored most things. They have nothing to do with my story. As if there's not enough to criticise me with. I was not conscious at all of how I would have to be violated for describing our society. Although, that should be irrelevant even if I could have been. It is an illegal violation of my basic human rights. The money guaranteed to me would only help with pr for artists involved in the long-term. Partly due to good work and good art.
My main Aim; to prove to people in my life I really did the art. Now, isn't that understandable?
God, I have a weird life.
Oh, and you're welcome for all the content. Don't I deserve to get paid somewhat for all the f***ing content I've provided? - That is genuinely a good point.