You Won't Break My Soul

Thank you to everybody that enjoyed my art. Thank you a lot if you think I deserve a path to redemption and to try and do my best.

I really find it gratifying that my art resonated so widely with such a diverse range of people all over the world. I am very happy to make life affirming and empowering art.

Thank you

The following 'essay' is a bit of a mess (like me) and I'll fix it up.

I would like to apologise to the artists I provided work for. I will write eloquent praise about them in the future and others. Forgiveness is very important to me. I want to spend my time making amends and making art. I was mainly having boundaries against people trying to define me and fighting to try and help other people. I am not the man some people think I am. I believe I am very misunderstood by some people.

That conversation kind of just happened. It was an event that we were involved in outside of our control to some extent. It was the first time I ever had agency to work very very hard for a prolonged period of time. I appreciate if that's difficult to understand. It was also the first time anyone ever told me I was very intelligent, extremely creatively talented and that I had been through complex trauma. Weird. I am doing everything I can to be a good person. For the most part, I was not trying to impress people. I was trying to get them to focus on and be proactive about solving what is the biggest crisis ever.

Some people were attacking me almost as if they had been trained to and I had very strong boundaries against the incredibly rude people trying to define me for some reason. It was almost like I had been trained to attack myself. I really believe that. I did a good job. Clearly it was wrong that people were trying to define me. I almost forgot I needed to mention that. I had very good reasons for what I was saying about my own life no matter how much some sexually violate me because I was abused or ignore all the abuse to come, which is a bit sickening.

To be completely honest, I didn't realise how much more difficult my life was than most people. I wish I had some way of knowing before I completely f***ed it up. I think some people will take it as an attack on their ego if they can't be very superior to me. But my boundaries were proportional to some of the ego's I was confronting plus I had to fight for myself for ridiculous reasons in my life and I had nothing. So, it was mainly not ego. Not when it came to art. It just was not. We are under psychic warfare and it seems likely to me most people are not going to make it.

The easier my life gets, the easier it is to collect and arrange my thoughts. If anyone thinks I am being egotistic claiming to know myself, then they are being more egotistic than me.

Some people thought I was an a**h*** because basically I was a different class to them. That is also part of what is happening.

I can't remember what I said one time all that time ago. I have to find out. But, I don't think I hated on anyone much. People misunderstood me and it's an unfortunate situation. I hope I can make more clear why I was speaking so passionately and forthrightly here, for the sake of others. This is a massive emergency. Life is going to get a lot harder for us all. When you do not face things in life it can lead to everything being so broken. Anyway, I will have to wait to clarify reactions of some people. I know I was completely misunderstood by many people and trying to draw attention to a mass die-off of our species which is likely coming soon. Near You!

I will explain myself further in the future and write in a more measured way. I am not a bad person. I'm hated for doing the right thing. My life has never been this easy and I am grateful for that. There may be lies made up about me. I will have to wait and find out. I am improving myself as much as humanly possible.

On top of everything else I have to deal with, I also have to deal with some people lying about me in some ways.

I have a duty to distinguish between what's real and how things look. You do not make great art if you are not authentic or coming from anywhere but a strong loving place. I will continue to apologise in the future and write a more measured response.

I have no problem with anyone who cannot currently associate themselves with me. I take no offence. I am working on improving myself and I am completely honest.

To fix my life and reach my potential I needed some people to have sympathy for me. The first time it happened, it was some of the most famous and talented people in the world, some of whom I provided work for that I look forward to getting paid for. And it was my privilege to interact with them. Do you think that was enough to fix me? It was enough.

I have no problem taking accountability. There is plenty I am sorry for in life and I would like to hear from other people how they suggest I should atone. I look forward to hearing perspectives that can hold on to some compassion. I was not as selfish as some people probably think. I was definitely not driven by jealousy for years and yet so good at everything. My psychology is completely different from that. I do have at least some people thinking they know me better than I know myself. Some of the criticism is very misguided and projection. I appreciate I am difficult to understand. I harmed myself a lot. I am not a bad person. I have some people with way way easier lives than me that think so that are letting many many near future generations down, who are going to suffer horribly.

I will keep trying to educate myself about these issues and try to do my best.

I really know I deserve the money owed and promised to me. I know I deserve to allow it to help me create more good art and improve others' lives. I really did somehow recognise people due to the effects of a lot of isolation and a number of other factors, in case there is any skepticism about that. That is just what happened. I was very used to text and there are other factors that contribute. It's completely possible, especially since it happened.

People built me up a lot and felt betrrayed. I tried to warn them not to.

Also, one reason why I was not as petty as some people apparently seem to think is my body used to be be in much better shape. I really had to harm myself for complex reasons. People are mad at me for f***ing myself up. Some people are lying too much about a vulnerable person. Making me out completely to be someone I'm not unfortunately.

I would appreciate if some people stopped making up lies about me. All I can do is ask.

I did have issues but not to the extent some people think. Why compound the problem? But I can completely understand a lot of people thinking otherwise. The reasons why I was desperate to escape pain and repeatedly going through complex emotional patterns was genuinely a lot more complex than some people think.

I really do feel somewhat apologetic that my life was such a mess. I also know I was a lot more trapped and less petty than people realise.

 I don’t think I said anything that bad and I was being completely authentic. I was not conscious of how I would be attacked for expressing freedom of speech. We are all less free than we realise.

It is an unfortunate situation, but I believe I should be able to move on. I need less than most to do better than most. That was always the case. I know it doesn’t look like it.

Some of the misinterpretations of me betray a much more easy life than I have as they’re hating on me. It brings up all sorts of gentle feelings in me. 

Anyway, another great coincidence that the type of person making noise about the vast angry disaster we face, is the person whose boundaries are considered ‘ego’. Imagine if I tried to immediately define someone who has been severely isolated as I was less educated on the issues that were making me so angry. How egotistic would that be? Did my ancestors go through generations of oppression for this? I do not think so. Some people are lying and abusing me and ignoring the biggest amount of murder ever due to climate change.

I can tell you from experience they have people on prominent people making them hate me in particular even more. Whispers in their ears. Pssst.. most people are going to die. The temperature is skyrocketing and emissions are… slightly rising as the poles and the Amazon are creeking towards collapse. 

It is definitely an unfortunate, but also very complex, situation. But I definitely was not petty in the way some think. I had no idea what some people are talking about at all. Maybe I’ll get into that a different time.

I hope people also understand that the internet is a new phenomenon. I am nowhere near as weak or even mentally ill, not at all now, as some people think. 

I genuinely was not trying to act impressive. I was being very authentic. It was the first time I ever felt appreciated for being myself in my life. 

Big Problems are coming. A lot worse than you think. 

Psychic warfare is also happening to an extent. It’s part of the reason I was so messed up and why some interpreted boundaries as ego. Even if I did have ridiculous reasons for boundaries. But for some reason I expect people don’t want to hear about the ‘psychic warfare’. Even though it makes complete sense to say. 

I will write in a more apologetic way in the future. I am not the man some people think I am. It does not make sense to characterise me in the way some people decided to and yet I'm really really good at a lot of things. Some people are lying about me being really egotistic. It is a lie, and ironically, an egotistic lie. I'll try to explain why I believe that in the future for anyone who happens to be interested. There is plenty of deserved criticism and I'm sure some people are talking about 'ego' in a justified way. It was the first time I had received a compliment in years or that it was recognised I had talents. I had very unique reasons for standing up for myself and I was under attack. At least I know I'm being honest. There was some ego there. But, I think a defensible amount. There were other things that were interpreted as ego that were not that. I had barely anything and a lot to deal with in my life. But many people don't care if I am being authentic, because I have to be endlessly molested for dealing with something isolated that it may have not been possible to deal with without support.

I had a much more difficult life than I think many people believe. That is one reason why it was unfair that some people were immediately so sure about me and offended I had boundaries, no matter how much some people violate me or how utterly broken my life was. I need very little to change completely. I had already received that at that time and that is why I did a lot of successful things. I was rewarded for that and made people millions.

I'm still coming to terms with how some people misunderstood me.

Some people were so dismissive that I stood up for myself a lot, and then that was interpreted as ego. That is not me. There is nothing wrong with saying that. It's part of the psychic warfare effectively that is negatively influencing us all and contributed to my life being broken for you all to make fun of. There are maybe more pressures on us than we are comfortable realising.

I have a deep deep rooted need for what is authentic. If I was more selfish and didn't care about society I would be universally loved and my life would be easy.

I tried to explain I had the boundaries of a strong woman and still people lied about it being ego. We are entering a science fiction movie and most people on the planet are probably not going to make it.

I was so excited to finally be getting on with life and some of the lies and attacks are just bizarre. How can you know anyone you know that well, let alone someone you've never talked to? It's an unfortunate situation. Some people want to neatly wrap up things too much and really need me to be someone else. Seems kind of abusive in some cases to be completely honest. A complete misunderstanding of me. I'm mainly not thinking about music. Why do I have to deal with that?

I'm a good opportunity for people to project their issues on to me.

When someone is constantly trying to escape pain it means they can't or won't address something. Sometimes there are strong external factors involved.

I'm not completely sure why some people think violating someone is a correct and righteous way of properly understanding them, no matter how difficult it is to understand my life. I will defend myself more in the future for anyone with with an opinion on me in a non-angry way.

I'm a strong person. I'm a caring person. I'm a gifted person. I needed very little help. I don't understand the petty stuff that people are projecting my way. It was the first time I was ever appreciated and I had gone months at a time in my life without any conversations and yet some people think I'm egotistic. I am not. The real problem was I wasn't conscious of how I would have revenge taken out on me for describing things. I am in no way the person some people think I am. And the first time I ever have agency is the last time you should expect me to lie about myself. I wasn't searching for a thrill at all, I was just happy to be talking and connecting with some people. The fact that I recognised people is one strong indication that I am in touch with my feelings and authenticity. I am trying to be authentic. It's very related to art. You do not do good art without it. I think its people with easier lives and who got to do more, that are often more petty (for some reason probably worth thinking about). Or maybe it's about people who have to fight against strong things developing a certain tone. There are a lot of things to react to it seems.

I have to understand why I had no control in my life and what happened to harm me. It's not anyone else's job to understand that. My exact problem was I was brilliant at loads of things (no-one ever noticed) and I had to assert I was brilliant and not allow other people to define me now that I wasn't forgetting things. There are deeper things going on than some people realise.

I never said anything like I knew the 'whole truth' Genuinely, that is literally the opposite of what I said. One reason I should have compassion for people is they did not have to fight against what I had to fight against.

I am sorry my life was so messed up. When I took psychdelics I realised, 'Jesus, I'm a really good person. I've just mainly being trying to be good to people this whole time.' That was a BIG revelation for me. It is something that's so easy for me to forget. It slides away like forgotten rain.

It is a shame I was so stuck. But I will be in much better shape for anyone who's interested in knowing and I had no hate at all. I was not coming from an egotistic / hateful place. That's why some liked me and some people literally thought I was Jesus. I can't have said anything that bad. I'm not Jesus or the Devil, but I am closer to Jesus than the Devil. I know I am trying to be.

I do not think the people criticising me have moral high-ground over me. They really don't. A lot of starvation and rape is coming. Even of children (with social breakdown and lack of food and a culture lacking meaning)[The DRC in recent decades is an example of this]. A lot of tenderness will be extinguished. Some of you are ignoring that also. That is just what's coming. The science about the starvation at least, is very clear.

I was going on about the corruption of power and most of the oppressed people of the world (in detail - which came from commitment) over and over again and yet some people are making up I'm arrogant or something else. It does not make sense. There's no consistency in the idea. People are projecting their arrogance on to me. Even if I was mentally ill and isolated. The way some people are making up complete lies and sexually violating me is a lot worse than anything I've ever done. It really is mainly just projection. I am definitely not an 'incel'. Although the fact I have to say that is kind of abusive. Also, I'm definitely not 'sweet' and sensitive or something like that. It is people with easy lives and privilege who make light of ideas like compassion. I was talking about dark things that are coming. There's a certain type of abuse that makes me even more defensive. I wonder if people can guess which one.

The problem is when everything is easy and relaxed I just create really good art and come up with brilliant ways to help people. So, that has to be stopped.

Anyway no matter how much you guys sexually abuse me and lie about me, I will never pretend to be someone else. I was just trying to escape pain a lot. Just because some of you are acting like awful people does not mean you will drag me down.

It's an endless cycle. People narcissistically abuse me and I react, they feel vindicated and act further narcissistically abusive. That conversation was the first time I ever had freedom to work hard over a prolonged period of time at activities that make you very self-aware, which were what I wanted my career to be and which I fought everyone believing I had very strong creative gifts, even though no-one believed me. It takes a lot of fight to hold on to some things, especially in very complex contexts. I was pumped to finally have a chance at life. How could I have such interests and talents and yet be straight forwardly immature? I was not. People with much more privilege than myself couldn't accept that so have to fit me into something they already understand and then act abusively. I was not trying to show off. I was appreciating having the opportunity to work. Some people were objectifying me from the start and I was trying to be polite and stand-offish. Going into the conversation more I just wanted to connect with people. You try years of isolation on top of other things. Yes, it is too bad I completely f***ed up my life. I never sold myself as something I'm not and really do have all these abilities no matter how much I've been abused. I think my life and the abuse of some of you will seem less important in the years to come, we may have to wait for a mass die-off event for some of you to finally face reality. For the sake of a lot of vulnerable people (that concern is why I have to be so violated), I hope it doesn't come too late.

All I ever wanted to do was make art and help people. But there are much much more complex reasons than people want to know that I was obsessed with escaping pain. If I had had a bit more money there would be no reasons to further abuse me and criticise me. That is also true.

It took very brilliant people to finally recognise me. That was all I needed to help me and reform myself.

• Everyone who works has the right to just and favourable remuneration ensuring for himself and his family an existence worthy of human dignity.
• No one shall be subjected to torture or to cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

There is a lot of criticism I do not object to at all. I do not take any sympathy for granted at all. I hope it does not seem otherwise. Thank you for any encouragement. It really helped me. I cannot imagine what I would have done without it. I am sorry I let you down. I'm trying to improve and to achieve things. I am not the person some people think I am and I only have to deal with that for devoting myself to learning about topics for the sake of others. I think that should be taken into account. I have some anger towards other criticism that I don't deserve. It might be interpreted that when I have strong boundaries they are towards the wrong people. I was dealing with more overpowering things than people realise, that's why I made the art. My life was way way harder than people believe. I had to have boundaries when it was the first time I was ever fully aware I had always been forgetting positive things. I was not at all petty, sensitive (that one is more complicated) and controlling when I was young. That is not me. People did misread me. I am very misunderstood, but that is very understandable. I had a harder life than many of my critics or even than some people who sympathise with me think. I am especially sorry to some people and I hope they can forgive me for the fact that I was dealing with an incredible amount of difficult things. I think some people are somewhat arrogantly attributing too much to my personality. But I hope anybody who has expressed a lot of sympathy does not think I am referring to them. We are entering a new age, but not because of me. It's to do with Environmental Breakdown/Climate Change and Corporations making billions and funding politicians and also funding climate breakdown deniers on the media for decades. It keeps getting way hotter and the lowest temperature it is today is way way above the highest 10 years ago. That will keep going. Emissions are only rising let alone reducing, so that heat will rise way up for many years probably. And already the ship is starting to creek. In terms of events like droughts like in Southern Africa currently, floods all over the world and strange temperatures like the fantastic Heatwave in Northern Australia in mid-winter. So many dramatic heavy plumes of smoke and dramatic bright flames of gas are creeping into the atmosphere that on average over the last 3 years the earth has been heating by just over 1 million Hiroshimas per day. There is going to be a lot more food scarcity in the next 10-20 years. The Big Problem is that once we pass a certain temperature, probably in the 2030s, it will be too late to reverse all of the effects. Mass Starvation and mass migration will just start gradually spreading like some kind of disease we can do nothing about (if we act too late). Even if you currently have comfortable armchairs and an abundance of food. [I'm completely unsure how seriously some people take my opinion on climate change. If I found my opinion mattered I would write about that issue separately and more importantly point towards others who have been writing about it for years. There are attacks on my character. Once earth reaches a certain temperature adaptation and mitigation are no longer possible. That is the point I was making. That is the entire point of staying under a certain temperature, isn't it? Definitely I will write about that issue seriously if anyone is good enough to confirm to people I know I haven't gone mad. I did intend to write about it more seriously in the future. I'm trying to educate myself about food.] I will edit all this writing down, because I have definitely rambled and repeated myself. Also if anyone talks to me for a few minutes, then I will take their opinion seriously that I'm egotistic. But that is a misunderstanding of me. I had complex reasons to fight. That's why I made good art as well.

There is of course one person who I am most especially sorry to. I am very sorry. I had a very difficult life. I will write further in the future apologies and praise of particular people. I hope some people can forgive me as a person over time, if they believe it is required. I will praise the artistry of artists I provided work for. I definitely offended some people I did not want to offend. I think it is worthwhile writing one 'article' where I push back on some extreme hate against me that is inaccurate, mainly not music, although there is definitely plenty of legitimate criticism of me of course. I will further apologise to people I respect in the future. There are particular people I am sorry to.

Temperatures are rising massively and the highest point now will be the lowest point in ten years. In ten years it will be too late to stop billions actually dying. This is the biggest emergency ever and I have to be hated for devoting myself to understanding it and sharing that information. And not only are they not going down, carbon emissions are rising. The Boreal Forest and the Amazon rainforests which sustain our ecosystems by taking in carbon are approaching collapse. There will be a lot of issues to do with food and water. I will try to go and prioritise my mental health and try to educate myself further on this issue, which is much worse than you think.

Summer is Coming.

For the most part, I was not very arrogant because I lacked a lot of things in life and I was more fighting for survival. I was also angry about people banning left wing art, especially because I had more space to devote myself to it than I ever had before. Also, I was defending myself from people acting arrogantly 100% assuming I am someone else as they were ignoring the biggest crisis ever. Critics don't fully define the character of an artist making music, that's why they're not the ones making the music. I think if you are radically left-wing and you think I am your enemy than you are being fooled to some extent and acting like a tool for large corporate forces bringing about our likely extinction.

I don't even understand the type of person some people made me out to be. 'Everyone will Betray You', 'Terrified to Look Down'. I literally have no idea who that person is at all. I don't even understand what it means. I have no idea. Maybe we fit each other into our ongoing stories. I definitely have a lot of respect for the person that is related to.

It's hard to express this thought; but the easier a person's life is and the more success they have, I think the more they need to learn the value of humility. The less agency a person has the more they have to fight for themselves. There are actual very egotistic people out there, but they do not straight away produce the art I produced. Some people did completely project on me. I was working hard at that time and it was the first time I was ever told I had complex trauma and was forgetting positive things and apparently I got to do music. Also, I was under attack. There were a lot of reasons why I was very worked up. It was definitely heady and empowering to have agency for the first time around that period. I wish that was more understandable. I was not the one being incredibly arrogant to be frank. Some people did completely misunderstand my character as self-important, I really believe in some cases because they had easier lives with more control.

I was trying to say that corporate NeoLiberalism, since the 1980s, is sanitising and kills complexity. Some people in media are portraying me as the exact opposite from who I am. How would you feel?

Also, I think if people look back over the conversation, they can see it's a bit different maybe from what they think. People immediately tried to define me. Everything about me is about rebelling and yet I'm being portrayed as the opposite of that by some people. I was just glad to finally get a chance to work hard and I was bemused by how incredibly rude some people were being. There were definitely profound reasons why I was talking about believing the universe could be defined by love and relating that to the mass suffering that is coming. There are shockingly complex reasons why I stood up for myself so much. There is nothing wrong with that. For the most part, my boundaries were proportional to the people being very rude and trying to hound me.

Over and over again I said the truth is messy and complex. Yet, I think some people unable to recognise this are projecting on me. Also no-one ever told me I was talented (that I didn't forget).

One conversation where I received sympathy and compassion like that and my life completely changes. I hope that can be taken into account.

It is unfortunate I harmed myself so much. It is also unfortunate that some people who are in the wrong feel vindicated. I'm trying to turn it around. I was definitely coming from a place of love. That is 100% true. Some people wanted me to be representative of what I'm not. No-one else gets to decide what I represent. I would not do that to anyone. It is also unfortunate that I was the only one educated on certain issues. That makes what I'm saying more significant. I wasted so much time and forgot positive things and I still knew more than most of you about these important things. What the f*** have you guys been doing? I completely understand plenty of criticism. I am seeking the path to redemption. I am nowhere near as weak as I'm sure some think who have not at all dealt with what I have dealt with.

The people try to censor me were being way way more arrogant. If people heard me in person they wouldn't have thought I was very arrogant at all. I had a lot more to fight against in my life than people realise even if my life was completely broken. I was having boundaries during the first time I was aware I had been forgetting things. I am barely egotistic at all. My brain doesn't work like that. My life was just a mess which is unfortunate, but after ten years most people over time are going to start dying. That's a much bigger mess and with less good reasons.

I had very unique reasons for very strong boundaries and always thought of music as part of the struggle to improve the world. I don't know why some people with fabulously easy lives compared to me had a need to define me. My boundaries were so outrageously strong (although I said a lot of polite things to people with more privilege than me) because my life was so difficult, that's also how I made all of the art. That is the proof. The easier people's lives are, the more they priortize socialising and trying to impress people. So people thought I was trying to act impressive. But it is a lot deeper than that. Firstly, the b***sh** ideology of some people harmed not only me but my friends, also, I was not conscious of how I would be attacked. Like a person made clear, I acted the same way years ago. I have strong boundaries for very complex reasons. Other people were trying to define me as they were and continue to be ignoring the biggest crime ever. That's mass planet wide death and suffering. We need to do something about food. I'm not the one who is a fanatic.

I understand some other aspects of my personality just make more sense if you hear how I say some things. I only started talking about my school days to explain why I never developed an 'ego' like a lot of people have. Which I said over and over again.

One reason I was not petty like some people unfortunately did believe was because my body used to be in much much better shape, which some people seem interested in me mentioning. I really had to harm myself in complex ways while forgetting positive things. Now, I am misunderstood because I inadvertently made some people look bad. I have talents that could potentially help people. I cannot say enough how much I appreciate any sympathy and how sorry I am. There are key parts of my story that some people are so arrogant that they think they can just shrug off not knowing about. Some of the attacks in media are a bit messed up and very inaccurate. I am mainly not talking about music. I can't help reacting to some of those things. They are exaggerated because of my political opinions. Some criticism is completely fair. I'm very glad to currently have the opportunity to write and work.

Maybe there is more sympathy for me than I believe. Easy for me to forget or not notice.

What does kind of hurt is when some think I was being inauthentic and of course that some people believe I am a bad person. I was not being inauthentic at all. I was worked up because that period was the first time I ever had so long to work hard on activities that made me very self-aware, and I was really really appreciating interacting with people after being severely isolated for so long. I will keep trying my best to be a good person.

I can't even remember what I said a few years ago when I did a lot of brilliant stuff that people hate me for. But, I am pretty sure at least sometimes I was completely misunderstood. 100% at least some arrogant people with easier lives than me made me out to be someone I am not and now they feel vindicated as they ignore the daily murdering and blowing apart of babies in Palestine (with US provided weapons unfortunately and murder with mainly no evidence of links to Hamas) and the inconvenient truth that we are likely facing some kind of collapse and unless we happily do something about local sustainable food, energy and waste management, then in 10 years it will keep getting hotter for thousands of years as billions die horribly over time. Less and less places that have food and water, mass migration constantly. If you cannot face this responsibility, you have no backbone.

Wake Up!

I should not be in any way punished for having boundaries or standing up for desperate vulnerable people. I believe there are some effective ways I can defend myself in the future.

I think people might be lying about me. It's hard to tell. Definitely seems like some people with much much easier lives than me are 100% making up lies about who I am as they're partaking in mass sexual abuse while literally ignoring the biggest crime of all time.

I am very sorry I was addicted to pornography. It is a lot more harmful than I realised. When I went near drugs I felt like a complete as*****. I didn't realise I had complex trauma, was forgetting positive things and things to do with other people and I dealt with other major difficulties in my life that people are unaware of. Perving on me is not the key to my psychology.

A big big part of the reason I was so certain and aware was because in the months leading up to that period I was working very hard. One thing that really helped in that regard was watching a lot of great global cinema. Latin American and African cinema started good traditions influenced by European cinema in the 60s and 70s/80s respectively. Global Cinema from the 80s-00s was more alive than most modern art in my opinion. For example, Hyenas by Mambety.

The easier my life gets, the easier it is to understand my haters and critics and the harder it is to understand my own life. But I want to be completely myself. I cannot compromise to the point that I lose who I am. I was not 'virtue-signalling'. I believe anyone who thinks so underestimates the scale of this crisis. We have to act on a global scale fast in an unprecedented way to avoid unimaginable disaster. We need to cut subsidised old fashioned energy and invest in 21st century energy (including nuclear energy) if we are to avoid the the Earth becoming a giant hothouse open air prison where most people will eventually die, first poorer darker people. Can you see that? Emissions have been rising. Which means the Paris Climate Conference turned out to be useless, according to Naomi Klein because of Exxon Mobil.

I will keep passing on important information about the biggest amount of death of all time.

Should I get punished for so much success just because I also did the right thing? I cannot say enough I am very apologetic to many people. Just by some people, probably many with easier lives, I am being completely lied about, because of my political opinions. I will write further in the future, how much I appreciate the opportunity to work with such great artists. I really did just see some inaccurate stuff making me out to be a demon or very bad person, which may be about me. It is very confusing.

It is hard to tell. But I believe some people are making me out to be a much worse and more petty person than I am and more arrogant. I was severely isolated and there are key aspects to my life story that some people do not know about and for some reason aren't concerned with. Anyway I didn't hate anyone. I was trying to draw attention to the Earth becoming a prison that will eventually kill billions. There's nothing we can do about in 25 years when we recognise it is more clearly a Problem. How will we look at each other knowing that there is nothing we can do for future generations? What kind of weird science fiction movie are we stepping into? We should be doing everything we can to avoid that inescapable Hell. Really this is happening. I swear by Almighty God that this is the truth.

There is plenty of criticism I do not push back on. I intended to write more positive things in the future. I just wanted to write in defence of myself against some very extreme attacks on my character in media, mostly not music.

We are facing collapse. Generations will look back and be appalled. In 25 Years when it is clear there are food, water and migration issues - we'll all know we just won't be able to do anything about the eventual deaths of most people - that is the Problem. Things get very messed up when you don't face them. It is very likely we will be trapped in a hell where although it is clear that we need to reduce emissions and restore nature there is nothing we can any longer do. Florence, the humanist Renaissance. Was it all for nothing? Are we content to let the vast majority of our species and most species die? What kind of planet would we be on if we knew we couldn't help our grandchildren's generation? It is also very confusing not knowing if anyone is very interested in my opinion.

We need communities with skilled workers probably, and I'll learn more about that and more local food and energy in case a collapse starts happening. The problem with a lot of worldviews is that they oversimplify the world. Complexity in nature is more healthy. Foods like bananas were bred to be the same species, that lack of diversity increases the chance of disease. Just like globalization can destroy local cultures. Or how James Davies talks about how psychiatrists can oversimplify categories of mental health. They are all pushed by the profit motive of giant institutions to streamline and replicate production primarily to enrich unimaginably wealthy people. Part of that process is also manipulated information (it's all very stupid), as we see with the fossil fuel companies spreading misinformation about the Environmental Collapse underway. Millions of years of evolution make the products of nature more complex than our technological solutions. We should try to work with nature, some people are too naive to be able to see that. The institutions make shiny overbearing colourful spectacles that are increasingly in constant motion to make us feel distracted, insecure and frightened enough to keep buying things we don't need. We'll have to start reusing more things in the future. Also, I am an autodidact. No-one ever told me I was really really smart until that moment.

So much dirt on my shoulder. I feel like Kill Bill.

There are people hating on me while believing me to be someone else and while ignoring the biggest crime ever. There are other people hating on me that I don't object to at all. Some stuff in the media just seems way too extreme I believe. I am mainly not referring to music. I will keep trying to improve and keep trying to get in better shape and make great art and then hopefully many people can give me more of the benefit of the doubt, wish me well and understand they don't understand abusive people I have come across in life.

I completely understand people making fun of me. I would do the same thing. Maybe I should have done more drugs. They do cause more harm. I would not be remembered much if I was not brilliant at some things.

I was really very excited about interacting with people. I was not trying to act very impressive. I was not being fake, I was just addicted to the internet for very complex reasons and I spoke out against some of the most powerful institutions in the world that are intent on bringing about our extinction and the extinction of most plants and animals. Can You Get to That? There will be global starvation and very unfortunately probably a lot more sexual assault if there is social breakdown- massive food and water shortages and an incredible amount of migration. More than we can ever believe. That social breakdown is very very likely this century. It will happen.

I understand why it is so difficult to understand my life. I am improving myself now. I needed help. There were definitely complex reasons why I had to harm myself. I'm a different animal when I'm less encaged in life. People are missing out important elements in my story. I am mainly not reacting to music. Some of the hate is severe and completely inaccurate. Although, there may be some sympathy I am unaware of. It did mean a lot when some people had sympathy with me and if I push on and keep trying to improve myself I hope they can begin to sympathise with me again, I wouldn't have fallen into such difficult circumstances if it was for very petty reasons. It does mean a lot if some people wish me well. It helps me do better in life. It means a lot. There could be inaccurate things about me that exist, I have no way of knowing. If anyone thinks I am any harm to anyone else, why did no-one do something about it? Either you don't think so or you don't care about it.

I will keep repeating myself. But, there are some people I am very apologetic to and some I should completely push back on. Some people immediately tried to define me and they were wrong for the most part. The woman I mentioned was sometimes emotionally abusive to me 12 years ago (but she was also one of the two people I spoke to in depth about my childhood trauma and when I fell into that state that was very relevant. The other was a friend of mine I mentioned and an incredibly intelligent religious man. I held back that information on purpose). I am only mentioning that because she told me that I could. But it was definitely not her fault. I am not as f***** up at least in some ways as some people unfortunately think. I will further apologise to and praise the artistry of artists I provided work for. I am really sorry for offending some people. Once again, for all I am aware of there could be untruths about me, it's certainly within the interests of institutions bringing about a lot more death than the Nazi's to demonise me beyond measure. I was being objectified and there are very complex reasons why I had to harm myself. It's unfortunate. My psychology was more complex than a lot of people think. I'm going to keep saying - I am sorry I let some people down.

I would never buy myself flowers, like I said.

I have not listened to some of the songs that might refer to me. I believe we have a culture that is making us all into addicts and putting us too on edge and making us more stupid and insecure. Unfortunately, if we don't change our food systems rapidly many vulnerable people will not have food in the future. I learned about environmentalism at a moment of complex trauma as a child, and to me it always represented renewal. It was kind of inevitable I had to talk about it. I believe a lot of the people hating on me have had it way way easier than me. How else would I have done all that art and yet have my life be so broken? People do not know what happened in my life.

We are heading into the biggest catastrophe ever. That is why I made the art. Some people with much much easier lives think I have to learn a lesson I do not have to learn.

Also Society is being broken down by vast soulless corporations in impersonally grey and mirrored soul-deadening vast fat buildings, they're working hard at various tasks to push down most wages and extract money by increasing debt in the economy. Corporations took advantage of rising inflation for global supply reasons, and made it worse trying to profit from it. Anyway can't they build a suit by that time so we could all just be calmly in suits that would allow us to breathe when it was 1000 PPM like on Mars? Also I believe it should be common knowledge a government budget is not the same as a household budget. Inflation Reduction Act / New Deal type investment can get the economy going. Whereas, big corporations are only incentivised to boost short-term stocks for a minority of owners. That's how the Hoover Dam was built.

I will continue to try and refer to some experts on important issues if ever anyone is interested in my opinion of economics or politics. I would like to help point towards experts in different fields.

There was immense pressures on me, from different places and there are immense pressures on some people hating on me. Probably also on groups hating each other online. Partly because these apps are designed to agitate and addict us.

I will take plenty of criticism. I would never harm anyone, it is very painful that people think otherwise or that they think I am a bad person. It is very painful. I'm not a bad person. I am completely misunderstood. You try dealing with the people in your life believing you're mad. My life as it was, I believe, was already most of the punishment I deserve. As much as I am very very concerned about objectifying some people, there was something deeper going on in that mood when I talked about some of the types of people I can find attractive. I also had a very natural urge to connect with people. I am in no way ever again going to repeat some mistakes. I could be being lied about. I have to be demonized because I criticised powerful industries.

I had very complex reasons why I had unique boundaries. Mainly not ego. That is the truth. Why were other people so keen to define me and so certain sometimes when they were misreading me?

I believe the easier people's lives are the more likely they are to do the wrong thing and act morally righteous about it.

I'll take a lot of the hate from people. But there were profound points to what I was saying and some people with much easier existences fit me in to an over simplified tv show that is an inaccurate interpretation of me. Story of my life. Only now I'm not forgetting. The hate from some very rich people who are unconnected to the event is astounding. Some of you have no idea of the abuse I've been through in life or the reasons why I had to stand up for myself. I deserve my money.

I was not 'sensitive'. My story is much more deep, complex and interesting than that. You will not break my soul.

I believe there are also efforts to aggravate and divide populations so they don’t talk about large banks and corporations funding the politicians and the media and the massive bias that results. We don't see enough criticism of how corporations fund politicians.

I really appreciate if people give me time to prioritise my mental health and improve myself as much as possible.

There is definitely some legitimate criticism of me and there is some that is worth pushing back on. People might think I'm pushing back on the wrong things. There's a whole lot of things. I had never had so much agency in my life at that time. That is why I was pumped up about finally being able to use my abilities and to work hard. I was not being as disingenuous as I'm sure seems the case. My personality was less about appealing to people than most because I was caught up in my own issues. I think that is a key point.

I feel like I have to fight for the right to rebuild myself.

So, we are heading into the biggest catastrophe ever. Some of you guys are very seriously f***ing up. I will write more about it in the future and I will point to others who have studied these issues their whole lives and I gave some links on the first post. I do believe that many people need to grieve their old life to an extent. Forget your 5 or 10 year plans. We're entering into a science fiction movie now that the most artificially stable period in history has left us woefully underprepared to confront. We are heading into a new age, but not because of me. Plenty of other people have already pointed that out.

The Big Problem is that in 25 years when it is obvious and there are many more food shortages, it will be too late to reverse the rise in global temperature. So enough people will clearly recognise the problem, but nothing can be done about fixing it as over time almost all people starve and die in various ways. We need to at least try and have as many examples as possible of communities with local food and energy to show that it is possible. The government subsidizes fossil fuel companies because they in turn fund the politicians in the government. It is leading to our actual demise. Why don't some of you care? In that scenario there would be nothing we could do over the decades as these issues get worse and worse, knowing that most will eventually die. Can you Imagine? This is the most likely scenario currently. It is very likely actually. How will we look at each other in that scenario? Most over time will starve. I want to try and be proactive and fix this. Much more important than how I have to face I was incredibly self-destructive. Well, so are some of you, I guess. Real danger. Privilege blinds many from seeing it.

I hope we can make the world better together. I'm giving out to people the way some people have given out to me. Recognise this! Look at this!

Many people are working on solutions. But a key part of that is the emissions of fossil fuel companies. These corporations bringing about our literal demise are trying to divide us on identity issues on purpose to distract us.

The threat (and inevitability) of mass migration could lead to a lot of suffering.

There was a lot of sympathy, compassion and belief in me. If I received that sooner there would be no reasons to greatly criticise me at all, whatsoever.

I am trying to improve myself as much as possible. Thank you very much to anybody who wishes me well.

I have a lot of reasons to stand up for myself. Imagine if the genders were the other way around. A woman was objectified and people were mad they didn't objectify someone as they were dealing with so much complex stuff, and then they were sexually violated. My story is not what people think it is, as much as I accept plenty of criticism.

I am in no way perverted and to an extent I would have to be reminded what some people are referring to. I don't want to be. I needed help also. Also there might be lies made up about me for all I know. The internet is a new phenomenon. Taking responsibility was primarily not my problem. I am not saying I did not have issues, but there is some hate that is over the top that I truly have to face for doing something good. I had a tonne of complexities to deal with. The art should indicate that. It is to some extent a gauge of the pain and complexities I have dealt with. I also had to harm myself for complex reasons. So it is complicated. If I was easier on myself then I would have been fine. Who are any of you to violate me and some of you make up lies about me as well? Also, in case people think otherwise I didn't have many many personalities beyond maybe a 'demon mode', I'm just more interesting than a lot of you.

I do have to get punished for doing something good.

I am dealing with more than most. It is very confusing. People in my life doubt my sanity. I was also trying to say that middle class and rich people used to think I was egotistic while some people recognised I was not really that egotistic. That is what I was trying to express. Also, we're f*****. I'm coming from a place where I have to stand up for myself and point towards this issue. I'm not coming from a place of 'resentment'. It is so hard to understand some people with lives way more incredibly easy than my own completely disconnected from the event who completely misunderstand me. It's strange.

Also, if I had plenty of money I would have fixed myself very quickly. I am being honest. I will further apologise to some people in the future. I am improving myself.

I am very glad to know I'm very talented. Once again, there is plenty of criticism I fully accept and I appreciate any sympathy.

I think I do not lack the right type of humility. I am trying my best to be a better person. Please don't forget Palestine also. If you are American your government is contributing to the brutal murders and upheavals of innocent people everyday by selling weapons. The situation is beyond words. Endless death and suffering. Mainly with no links to Hamas. A lot worse than the murder of innocent concert goers on October 7th. Only because it is a lot more murder of innocent people. [1,139 civilians vs. possibly 200,000 civilians in 10 months* Look at this great essay - *]. Mainly with no evidence of links to Hamas. Please do donate to CareforGaza and other Palestinians trying to escape if you are able to. How can anyone argue that the reaction to Oct. 7 is loads more Oct. 7's? I have heard families screaming as they burn, I have seen children ripped to shreds and targeted routinely by snipers. The torture chambers full of hostages are full of constant sexual assault. I have seen many Jewish voices speaking out against this appalling atrocity. Things have gone too far. 'Maximalist aims' about the border will not bring about an end to this suffering. The more it continues the more it harms Israel. Most people in the world are appalled.

It's very difficult to know how interested people are in what I'm saying.

I also had very complex reasons to stand up for myself, which was misread as ego sometimes, my personality makes a lot more sense in person. You can not make truly great art and be completely full of sh**. I have the right type of humility and also feel like I have to hold on to a lot of fight to maintain boundaries. No Fight. No Art.

This is just a personal response to some people attacking my character and I have rambled somewhat. I will try to write more seriously in the future. I am trying to defend my character against a lot of attacks.

The IPCC have said staying within a safe temperature would "require rapid and far-reaching transitions in energy, land, urban and infrastructure (including transport and buildings), and industrial systems."

'In the midst of every crisis, lies great opportunity.' - Albert Einstein

Cake or Death?

I have recently been working on a story/novella that I mentioned and it will be ready soon.

.

I'm not lying. [From here I just rambled and might get rid of it.]

That moment was the first time I ever got sympathy for complex trauma in my life or realised that I had complex trauma and it was coming from such impressive people. That meant a lot to me. That was more than enough to completely change my life. I promise, I was not just immature and lazy. Even if I was ugly. I had a complex life. It is wrong to violate me and for many people from easier places to lie about who I am. I have to say I used to have the experience of being in very good shape and that is part of the reason why I was not coming from a petty place.

The woman that I mentioned from years ago was actually quite emotionally abusive to me. But it really wasn’t her fault. I’m only saying that now because I asked her permission to say it. My art was about empowerment. Of course, I had issues when I was younger, but not to the extent some people seem to think about. I believe some people are lying about it. I am unaware of many responses. So all the more reason I could misunderstand. I cannot say I appreciate any sympathy enough times.

I am being sexually violated during the first time I ever have agency for doing something good and righteously lied about and somewhat misunderstood by people who don't know about key aspects of my life. That is part of what is happening. Anyone wondering why I am so defensive sometimes, well that's why. I avoided looking at many things, so I hope it has not come across at any point that I disregard compassion or sympathy. I really hope so. I am deeply sorry to some people.

It is difficult when you find out you used to forget positive things and you are apparently incredibly brilliant at everything (I had to think my mind was average) and people in your life think you're nuts just as the most famous people in the world dislike you as they're ignoring more suffering than has ever happened because they're too privileged to see it. But hey, at least I made some great music. The music is that good that it doesn't even matter that much.

I take a lot of criticism from some people, even if there are some other things I believe I should push back on from some other people.

I do not have that much of an ego and I am not currently extremely mentally unwell. I am only saying who I am. Not someone else. I have plenty to atone for. Which I will mention again in the future. I just also have to say there are lies about me as a person. The whole time I was just defending myself against people trying to define me and then they righteously sexually abuse me at the behest of institutions carrying out the biggest crime of all time. I was definitely not trying to impress people that much. I was more trying to survive. Some people are being very unfair and have completely misread me as 'sensitive' or something. That is not me. I was mentally unwell and had a much more complex life than some people hating me believe. I'm not hating anyone except maybe those perpetuating unnecessary and unjustified war or those accelerating global warming. I am trying to prioritise my mental health. I will try to focus on the positive.

I believe a lot of people shape their personalities to appeal to others and in response to others over time. I was severely isolated and just became addicted to pornography and I had to be self-destructive and also there are other things people don't know about. If people were speaking to me they would not have mistakenly thought I was so egotistic.

Some people older than myself who I respect and who know about some things a lot more than me, did get that wrong straight away.

However, I was coming from a context that was probably more complex than most people. (To say the f***ing least). Know Thyself. I will keep apologising to many people and I'm just working on writing and really fixing myself.

I believe the proof that I'm sincere and that my life was actually incredibly difficult is the art I made. I have to assert certain things about who I am, but that is not an attack on anyone else.

I am not a bad person. I was dealing with immense pressures and so are you.

I understand how I must seem very weak from the perspective of others. However, I was afraid drugs would kill me and already at that moment a change of circumstances made me devote myself to hours and hours of hard work and improvement for some time.

I am no harm to anyone else at all if anyone thinks so. It is very painful that some people think I am a bad person. I am definitely not and without doubt there are some lies about my character by some people and they are causing more harm than me objectively if they continue to ignore this vast disaster. That does not mean I don't feel I have to atone. I am no harm to anyone whatsoever. If anyone thinks otherwise why didn't you do something to intervene? Either you don't care or you don't really believe it.

I will not sue anyone at any point if they send me a private message confirming I did the songs. Because people in my life believe I might be mad. It would really really help me.

I will keep apologising to the great artists I provided work for and I believe I deserve recognition and an opportunity to try and rebuild my life. To finally have an actual life.

For all I know there are lies made up about me. I guess I'll wait to find out.

I would never buy myself flowers.

I was more desperate than I realise to not be in pain in my life. But, for more reasons than you realise. I'm being mischaracterised as a result of criticising corporate power bringing about the likely collapse of our civilisation.

Once again, there are plenty of critics I don't object to.

It took one conversation for me to change completely.

I hope others aren't against freedom of speech and me trying to improve myself. My life was extremely difficult and fundamentally I was just too hard on myself. I was desperate to not be in pain. If I had more compassion for myself that would have completely fixed my life. I made that art because I did work hard in my life often and I was coming from a genuine place.

I don't know how I recognised people either. I was very isolated and I was very used to reading over text. That is 100% what happened, just in case anyone thinks otherwise.

I completely understand people making fun of me. I would do the same thing.

If I was just run-of-the-mill selfish my life wouldn’t have been such a complete mess.

I know I deserve my money. I look forward to getting it. I will try to help others with it and make great art.

Can some of you understand that withholding what was promised me does not help me create change or fix anything? It just causes more harm. I do not think it's very arrogant to maintain that point.

I do not know the level of sympathy and compassion that some people may have for me. I really do appreciate any of it. I don’t take any sympathy I’ve heard for granted at all. I hope it does not seem otherwise. I also appreciate that my life was pretty difficult to understand. But I know I am trying to be honest. 

When I remembered a lot of things, just before everyone started to hate me, I just thought good, let’s get on with it. I was level-headed about it. Mainly I just want to focus on hard work and making art. I forgot my description of society was considered so controversial. But do we have freedom of speech or do we not? 

I really hope people understand that my life is different from being driven by being petty for years or needing to really really impress people. That is not me at all. I literally only just realised that some people probably think that. I was very excited to be and appreciated interacting with people. I also wanted to push myself to work. I had a very natural urge to authentically connect with people and very complex reasons to stand up for myself. I was very focused on hard work and accomplishing things, not in order to greatly impress people. I cannot say this enough - I had very very complex reasons why I had to stand up for myself a lot and a lot of people with more privilege were defining me, during the first time I was told I had a disorder apparently making me forget positive things. Also, the internet really is a new and only recently understood phenomenon. I was trying to say that middle class and richer people always thought I was more egotistic than I am. That is what I was trying to express.

I hope if I make good art and I'm in much better shape generally over time more people can come around to having compassion for me and forgiving me. I would really appreciate it. I'll keep trying my best. I'll definitely make much better art.

I'm only realising now how arrogant some people thought I was. But I was fighting for survival lacking the plenty that others had. I did not have the conditions to work hard on literature and as soon I did I worked like a dog and thought my favourites were one step up. Maybe someone who has never thought about this would love the adulation that would come with it or something. But I was removed from trying to impress people and all I wanted to do was work hard. That is why I kept talking about money. I really was coming from very unique circumstances. I was interested in discussing ideas and was being personally attacked. I never put others down. I always had an underdog mentality. I do believe that at least some entitled people are projecting some issues on me. You do have no idea what I have dealt with.

It is also true I wasn't fully conscious of how revenge would be taken out on me for criticising large institutions. My brain allowed me to briefly try and warn people to not idealise me and then I completely forget. I didn't do that to myself.

I believe if people heard me speak I think they would understand I righteously stand up for myself and also sometimes I am joking or have a burdened attitude more than I have a great 'ego', whatever that is. Besides that it was heady to have the agency to work so hard for the first time in my life and frankly my body was in better shape. I really had to harm myself. I needed very little in life to dramatically change. And then I got rewarded for it. I was not making excuses as much as seems the case. I am very sorry to some people for inconveniencing and offending them. I did need help. I was definitely not 'weak'.

Also I somehow predicted the fucking future and that is 100% real. Weird.

If you were earning 20 million dollars a year since Jesus Christ was born, you still wouldn't have made the profit that Shell made in 2022.

The documentary Ice on Fire shows there are many solutions to how we can fix this mess, the biggest mess of all time, and positively and pro-actively confront this crisis. We can work with Nature.

Not all cultural conversations are organic. Which makes sense, because to some extent we live in a managed democracy. A Society of the Spectacle. It's definitely not good if a lot of culture is making us self-conscious and making us objectify each other and commodify ourselves. It is a sickness. Why would people with easier lives be so keen to define me? Why?

It may be easier to respond if I have more clarity about the reactions of some people I have a generous amount of respect for. 

Boundaries are what I had for the most part. Also I was being 100% genuine. I really was. I had a famous comedian tell me that I would be on tv, if I pursued it and other very positive reactions from famous comedians. Conan opened with my joke in his last ever monologue after I met him one time. Only, I just kept completely forgetting. I believe that you don't get good at being funny by having it easy. I don't know how funny I am. I do have the knack of kind of making up stories as I'm talking. That has nothing to do with impressing people at all. 0 exhaustion. That is really the truth. I guess it makes more sense in person. I think comedians seem to take notice of that or something, plus I had fucked up my life so dramatically that I mentioned stand-up because I just wanted to think of some way of talking to people.

My mind had to convince myself I was average. That was a big problem for me.

So many things in my life, including things people make fun of me for, were about trying to stop looking at pornography. Yet I still completely failed somehow.

The internet is a new phenomenon also and we are only learning about its negative effects in recent years. There are many negative effects. Including the building up of tensions between different people. I am trying to be a good person. I just want to make art.

People are projecting issues on to me. I am really trying my best. I definitely no longer have an addiction to pornography. I believe pornography can be more dangerous for society than I realised. The internet does also reshape our minds. We are only learning about the negative effects of it in the last few years. We are also torn apart by objectifying each other. I am definitely in no way any harm to anyone. It is painful if anyone thinks otherwise. I am trying to be a good person.

If I did have some of the sympathy and compassion I received, there would have been 0 problems. That completely fixes everything for me.

Hey, how about this for a funny joke: the UN Climate Chief says we only have two years to save the planet from catastrophic climate change, which means eventually billions of death. Oops! HaHa. Good Times.

I haven't received any praise or congratulations. I hope one day people think I deserve it.

I was also being objectified and very isolated. And of course there are particular people I am most especially apologetic to. I am sorry.

I've learned we have to take care of creation as it is and respect it. We should look at the reality of wealth distribution and vast institutions that are incentivised to avoid action that will prevent more starvation than has ever happened. I did not say we should 'worship' Nature. I said we should understand the majesty of creation as it is. We are part of eco-systems and if they break down a lot more people will have to starve and [hot-button issue] migrate. We should respect the scientists that predict 2.5C. Runaway climate change. Nothing we can do as thousands of children starve. I will focus on food when it comes to politics. I want to learn about ways of sustainably feeding people and I also want to make sure I know a lot about economists who say we can afford the green transition. It is too expensive not to. We should respect without giving absolute prominence to many old traditions because they had a lot of time for trail-and-error and everything was way more f***ed up in the past. The Sciences and The Humanities. I didn't say worship. I said recognising dark truths, confronting and being aware of major difficulties and potential great hardships and building positively upward from there. We should pay respect to the majesty of creation and our place in it. There was a decline in animal populations of 70% since 1970 [*]. The animals are dying off and it is getting dangerous. A mass extinction event could be underway. We need to change to renewable energy [which can be profitable] and change how we grow food rapidly on a global scale or we are doomed. Things are so way out of balance, that it is getting dangerous. I am worried about vulnerable people and the profit motive of giant institutions spreading information as part of that vast soulless process. Just as a person can disregard their own well being and harm themselves, so we can do that on a planetary scale. I've pointed to some scientists and I am very concerned with a lot of defenceless people suffering. A lot of suffering. Sometimes we have to face difficult truths first and than build positively from that basis. It seems people are failing to do that like I used to, however with something much much more harmful to a lot of vulnerable people (according to the latest peer-reviewed science).

When I said “I’m the problem”, I was mainly referring to being accused of being the problem when I'm not the problem.

This might sound wrong, but it took me months to come to terms with how petty some people probably thought I was. Also, how much more mentally ill they must assume I am. I regret causing any inconvenience to great people. But, there is a worthwhile lesson involved. Great people brought out greatness in me. Being so extremely isolated I really appreciated greatness in people. They brought out greatness in me. I needed to be interacting with people more to fix myself and I had a condition that made me isolate myself. Look at what a difference it makes.

It took me years to understand the myriad complex difficulties of my life. I can’t expect that from other people. I can only suggest that others acknowledge that I was dealing with difficulties they are unaware of and to try and view my past life with compassion if they can. I am trying to be honest. Once again, thank you very much for any sympathy. I know I am trying to do the right thing and trying to make some art. I kept saying 'one of the best artists of the century' not to impress people, but because I had very difficult circumstances where I could not work on what I loved and once I had that and worked like a dog I thought my favourites were one step up. Also a lot of things were based on a feeling. I was certain about some things due to the feeling I was getting. Not ego. A feeling. I forgot that wasn't considered normal, genuinely. That is more possible than people think. There are very very complex reasons why I rebelled and maintained a lot of emotions and intuitions. That is all 100% true. Some of my favourites thinkers were writers in literature like Joyce, Shakespeare, Dickens, Tolstoy, Milton, Cervantes, Beckett, Proust and some others. Writing style is an art form just like making a song sound good is an art form. I was trying to push myself to work and very much appreciated the opportunity. That is what allowed me to achieve some, I would say, pretty good art.

From the perspective of other people it probably seems like I was just about doing nothing and then all of a sudden I was full of bravado. That is not the case. I hope the proof is the art. I didn’t care that much about impressing people. I just had very strong reasons for very strong boundaries and also I was very very excited about interacting with people and picking up on their energies in a unique way. It was the first time anyone had ever told me I was very very smart and very creatively talented. When a person is completely full of s*** they don’t make a lot of globally resonating art like that on the spot. I couldn't have done it without a lot of focused hard work in the previous months.

People don't understand how my life could be such a mess and how a portion of help completely changes everything for me. I have to understand.

But I was also trying to drum up people’s excitement about the issue of environmental breakdown to stop everybody from starving and dying. It's scientists vs. Oil Billionaires and Millionaires. I appreciate people seemed to get excited about me. I would have no problems worth severely criticising me for if I had received that sooner, even a bit of that. I was being more authentic than people think.

I hope I can encourage people to realise how much trouble we are in with Climate Change. We need to talk about food and water. Interesting that the New York Times recently have an opinion series on the future of food. Look at the extreme changes in weather all over the world. Emissions have also been rising. Many vulnerable people are very likely to suffer horribly. I will point towards people working on this subject in the future if anyone's interested. I can't really take seriously anyone ignoring that while still acting very very morally offended by me. That is not very serious.

I think there is an old 'Great Man' conception of history. I don't subscribe to that at all. When I said I came from a 'radical' place from my earliest memories I was not making it up. I really don't believe that should be offensive at all. I regret if it is. It's genuinely just how it is. Just one example of how many people were trying to define me. I wasn't trying to define them.

It's why I devoted so much time to learning some things about the world when I could, especially when I was younger. I felt a duty. I think some people in Critical Theory have some over simplified dichotomies. Even Plato's The Republic is too abstract for me. It's hard to act as if my opinion is very important. Partly because people in my life think I might have lost my mind.

People made up lies about my ego and motivations and then decided I deserved to be dehumanised, dismissed and sexually violated on a mass scale at the behest of vast institutions that are going to cause more suffering than has ever happened and who are spreading lies about it. I have been watching a lot of horrible videos of what is happening in Palestine. Seeing people constantly murdered and others actually still going in Palestine, and those people currently starving in Palestine and Sudan, really should act as a wake-up call. How are they still going? If some of them survive, most people don't have any excuse. Things can go horribly wrong. Imagine if all that murder was happening in your town. By impersonal rapid bombs targeting families every day randomly with no evidence of links to Hamas.

I hope people can at least separate what they think about me and ideas about anti-elitist art.

I am very sorry if I let some people down. I am not at all inauthentic like some people think. I have been trying hard for years. Who are any of you to violate me?

I was not trying to impress people with a strong attitude. I had a strong attitude because my life was very difficult. Once again, that's also why I made globally resonating art on the spot.

My life is way easier than it has ever been. Really it is the first time I realise how easy some people’s lives are. I don't mean to offend anyone by saying that. It's one of the interesting lessons I'm learning. There are complex reasons why I'm good at creative things. I appreciate any efforts to advise me or any one who ultimately wishes me well. Thank you very much.

As soon as I felt I was definitely going to be attacked a fire took over me because I was talking about climate change and I learned about it during a traumatic period in my childhood. To me, Environmentalism represented renewal. Death and Rebirth.

Environmental Breakdown is the biggest crime and disaster in all of human history. It is a very inconvenient truth. This is more preventable deaths than thousands of 9/11's (I am in no way making light of that horrible tragedy). That is worse than what I did. Nature really is dying. We have to adjust to this new reality, dark truths, and then do positive things about it. Many people are oblivious to the profound danger we are all in. Most people should be talking about it all the time. Every day.

The world has to immediately cut carbon emissions and start using 21st century energy. This is a coming vast tragedy. Acting now is about helping others who will be vulnerable. Can you face that responsibility? A responsibility that really is more important than the responsibilities I can face.

The Oil companies have spread lies about transitioning being bad for the economy in order to make billions for very rich people. They spent millions for decades lying about the science through think-tanks and the media and even making out criticism of this incomparable danger to be elitist. It is worse evil than any other that has ever existed. Joe Manchin will factually be partly and significantly responsible for more deaths than Hitler and Stalin put together. [I only say that because I believe I have a moral obligation to say it.] Maybe he'll change his mind. So, let's do something about it since we only have 5 years. That's all we got.

Imagine talking about cigarettes causing cancer and not talking about tobacco companies. This is way more dangerous than that. If you've ever seen Titanic this is worse than the arrogance of the guys heading to the Iceberg. A lot worse. People in the upper decks acting responsible doing podcasts talking about how they massage their feet and the right type of lighting for sleep.

This is a massive emergency unlike any other that has ever happened rapidly following the most stable and rich period of human existence by far that has ever existed for the last few generations. This scale of this crisis is underestimated by most people. It is worse than you think. This is not like any other political issue at all. Just look up the science. Look at Dr. Peter Carter or the new studies showing the likelihood of AMOC collapse. And how the f**k do we handle AMOC collapse in the next 25 years? Not all of us know about the future.

There is an equivalence with my very complex and somewhat misunderstood life, only this is unfortunately much much more harmful and should no longer be ignored by some people with prominent voices.

It really is very gratifying that some people got excited about me. There’s a first time for everything. I am not as far away from the person people admired as I'm sure they think.

When I mentioned a plane I in no way at all was talking about sex. I think some people are using me to talk about some current cultural conversations. Also, Americans have a lot of racial tensions and issues. And rather than face it themselves they’re using some poor asshole from the other side of the world to violate and lie about. 

I think there is a reason why James Joyce focused on the theme of the sundering self in Finnegans Wake, as much as that book requires patience. That 60s movie version is interesting. Hhhhmmm.

 The intellectual/emotional side and the macho/action side can be completely integrated. They can go together. I don’t think Joyce lost his mind when he spent two decades working on that theme. Power wants to separate them in that book. - Through culture. For people who are skeptical of some things, you genuinely are underestimating the power of intuition. Really. Literature is an art form developing with some kind of progress. At least in some ways that is comparable to other subjects, like the sciences or some other subjects. A lot of creating literature is intuitive. I think what happens is that you take the tradition and you move it in certain directions with your intuition and you focus on certain things not really knowing why, but you just know you have to. I will keep working on trying to write well. It is very worthwhile in some ways allowing your brain to focus on that kind of intuitive process and to be coming from a legacy of thousands of years of that kind of process. That is not an isolated phenomenon. That's an ongoing conversation. That's a more diversified portfolio of views than many people have. Especially these days. Also, Literature has roots in oral traditions that go back as far as possible. Finnegans Wake is just one example of what part of my brain went back to sometimes. Among many. I don't always know why, but eventually there seems to be a reason. Something about certain books and themes makes them come up as you think and imagine and write and play around.

Thank you for any kind of sympathy, even if you take a bit more convincing that I am not a bad or very petty person (definitely less sweet and sensitive than some). 

I did have to harm myself for very complex reasons.

And thank you for any forgiveness. 

I want to try and do my best. I will definitely make better art.

 No-one has communicated with me, I’m very misunderstood and millions have been not yet been paid to me for caring so much about a dying world. So, I do have some right to be somewhat defensive. 

Even to some people really committed to lying about me too completely (and there are some extreme f***ed up things I've seen) and disparaging my character, I still have love and compassion for you. I wasn’t trying to act ‘holier-than-thou’ at all. I was trying to say at that time, 'Everybody’s going to die you f***ing morons'. Step it up. Sorry, you had to hear it from me.

People don't want me to be so so impressive and yet and the same time so messed up. Well, maybe those two things are related.

Thank you for any compassion and understanding.

Also, I'm somewhat critical of the elites. I am on the side of most Americans and most people, like I mentioned.

It's an interesting idea that Brazil had recently about a 2% tax on billionaires. Wonder if the G20 will be on the side of 3,000 people or 8 billion others.

(I do not want anyone to 'subscribe' to an email. That is just the theme on this site that I might change.)

Also I will definitely sue people if they defame my character.

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